Chase Me, Ara Portia (Published Under IMMAC PPH)

50:

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang eksakto kong mararamdaman. It's like I am watching a part of my world crumble into pieces right in front of my face, but I really cannot do anything about it but just to stare at it. Dahil gustuhin ko man, wala na akong magagawa. He signed the fucking contract. I want him to sign it but deep inside of me there's this little boy begging him not to do it. Him signing the contract only means he chose a lovely family over a fucking whore. That shit doesn’t feel right. That shit hurts. That shit is not what my mom, Kianna and me deserves to feel.

"I hate you, Mom." I said before walking out. "I hate you too, Dad."

I did not know exactly how he reacted upon me calling him that way because we were both walking out so fast. I don't even know if he knew, or he heard I called him Dad one last time. Basta ang alam ko, I need to get out of this shit. I need to be alone. I need to be fucking alone.

"Love!" Sigaw ni Ara as she tried to follow me again. And here she is again with her chasing, but I really couldn't do anything about it.

I am fucking mad right now but her safety upon coming up the stairs again is more important than this madness. Baka madapa na naman siya so I intentionally walked slower even though I am about to explode from my mad emotions. Nang makita ko lang muli siyang safe na ay muli akong naglakad nang mabilis. This time, nakapasok ako sa kwarto at naisara iyon bago pa niya ako maabutan.

"Love! You got punched. Let me see your face. It might get bruises." She said and then knocked on my door. "Love, can you please open up the door for me?"

I sighed. Nasa may pintuan lang ako habang pinapakinggan ang sunod-sunod niyang pagkatok. I am feeling heavy right now. Masakit ang suntok ni Dad pero mas masakit ang pagpirma niya sa divorce papers nila ni Mom. I want to scream and shout but Ara keeps on knocking on my door.

"Love, I really need to be alone right now."

"I know but let me see you for a second. Let me make sure that you're not hurt or something."

"I am hurting."

Natigil siya sa pagkatok habang ako ay napapasandal na lang sa pintuan. I know she's still there at alam kong wala siyang balak na umalis.

"It hurts, love."

"So let me in. Gagamutin natin. Baka nagkanosebleed ka."

"Just please let me alone for a minute."

"I can't. You must be bleeding-"

"Just fucking let me alone, Ara!"

I lost my cool. I totally exploded as I screamed loudly from the other side of the door. I can imagine her being shocked right now and I want to apologize really quick but I am really really mad right now. She's so annoying and lovable that I cannot stay mad, but I need to be mad at the same time. I don't know. I don't understand.

"Just please kahit saglit lang. I need to cry alone."