𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚 |𝟏𝟖+

06 || Tied To Such A Cruel Man

song: daddy issues by the neighborhood

TW: abuse and ED

.....

aurora moretto

The first time I ever truly felt fear, was the first time I saw my father angry. In theory a child should always believe that their father would never hurt them. I repeated that in my head a million times as he stabbed me in the stomach and dragged in down.

"He's just drunk, he doesn't know it's me."

He was completely sober.

"He would never hurt me on purpose."

But he did.

"He loves me."

There's a difference between love and abuse.

"I deserved it, I lost a fight."

I was 8 fighting a 46 year old man.

The fear I felt was paralyzing. I couldn't move as he spit angry words at me. His words tore through my flesh straight into my soul. So deep making sure I'll remember every word.

Fear is understatement of what I felt when he grab a dagger. "Remember this the next time you embarrass me. If you want to take over one day, you can't be fucking weak! Marino's aren't weak!"

I was never a Marino and I never will be.

I carry that scar everyday of my life. I never wore crop tops as a teenager, I never wore two pieces at pool parties. The only people who knew the scar existed was Alyssa, Alice and my mama. When they found me on the floor - bleeding out - my mom begged me to tell her what happened. I didn't, I couldn't say it out loud, I still can't. Alice and Alyssa were too young to understand but deep down my mother knew. That was her wake up call. But she was just as trapped as I am, She could never leave, she could never hide. He would always find her.

After that night my parents "split", no papers were signed but they were never together after that. Vincent moved out, moving closer to his base and all of us stayed.

I'll never forget my mother cries as she begged Alyssa and I to forgive her for tying us to such a cruel man and her cries to Alice for bringing her out of a abusive home and into another. It was never her fault.

My father stopped training me, I don't know what changed his mind but he stopped coming around for 7 years.

My mother; Sienna Moretto, was there for every nightmare, every breakdown, every panic attack. She would lay with me and play with my hair or scratch my back and sing.

I don't have a clue why Matteo knew to rub my back but I'm thankful he did. The act instantly reminded me of the words Mama used to tell me.

"Respira e sappi che sono proprio qui, amore mio." (Breathe and know I'm right here, my love.)

I've been laying here for an hour, listening to the birds wake up and sing their morning song, watching the soft orange and pink creep through my window and taking in the touch Matteo gives me. I don't know how we ended up in this position, Matteo's head lays in the crook of my neck, his arm around my waist and our legs tangled together under the blankets.