𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚 |𝟏𝟖+

26 || Just Our Luck

song: not about angels by birdy 

.....

matteo verrati

She's slipping away.

I thought things were getting better but I was wrong. For this past week, I've watched her slip farther and farther away from me. 

I can see it in her eyes. In her body language, in the way she holds herself.

The fear of losing her is still an open wound. No words, no touch can heal it. I'll remember the fear, the pain, as long as I breathe.

And this reset in her own healing, only intensifies my fear. What if the suffering is too much for her to bear? What if she hurts herself again?

Why the fuck won't she just give me the pain? Doesn't she know I can handle it?

She's too selfless.

"Hai qualche idea, Capo?" Jay's voice brings me out of my thoughts. (Do you have any thoughts, Boss?)

I close my eyes briefly and take a breath. I need to focus. "Repeat." I command. 

"How do we proceed?" He asks.

I blink. "I obviously didn't fucking hear the first time. Context." 

"Our raid failed," He stops to study my face. "How do you want to proceed?"

My breathing starts becoming faster. Vincent's men. Somehow I forgot about that. The men I sent to look over the house have reported no signs of life, so they ran. How'd they know we were watching them? Is there a mole?

"You are all dismissed." I stand abruptly. Sebastian looks up from the stress ball in his hands and furrows his brows and Jay looks at me with his mouth agape.

As I walk out of the room, footsteps follow me. "What's going on with you?" Sebastian questions.

"Nothing." I grit, rubbing my chest.

"Yeah? Did you hear anything in there?" He pushes. 

Opening my office door, I try to shut it in his face but he blocks it with his foot. "Matteo, you've known me your whole life. I'm your friend. Just tell me what I can do." He says from behind me.

I rub a hand down my face. "Everyday, I watch Aurora fade away and there's nothing I can fucking do." 

"What? I thought you said shit was getting better?" Concern fills his voice.

I chuckle without humor. "It was."

It's just our fucking luck. I'm starting to think good things happen just for bad things to ruin every trace of happiness.

"I mean what did I expect? She slit her fucking wrists, Sebastian." I brace my arms on my chair. "It doesn't matter if she wasn't trying to kill herself, she still.." I shake my head. "She was getting better, she was happy. I don't know what changed and she won't fucking tell me."

I turn around and face Sebastian. "She seemed good when I saw her." He frowns. "And not fake happy.. Did she see something again?"

I throw my arms in the air. "Fuck if I know. She doesn't tell me shit. She had a fucking panic attack in my arms while I was fucking her and she won't give me a reason." I swipe the bottle of whiskey off my desk. "I'm gonna lose my shit."

He raises an accusing brow. "Did you approach her like this?"

"Like what?" I ask dryly.

"Angry."