𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚 |𝟏𝟖+

21 || The Absence Of Her

song: revenge by xxxtentacion

.....

matteo verrati

I've always known what fear was.

I've always known I've inflicted the emotion on others, I've always known what fear can make people do. I've even felt it myself.

When I was a kid.

But I was wrong. I didn't know what true fear was.

I didn't know it could physically hurt. The lung crushing anxiety, the slamming of my heart against my rib cage and the trembling in my muscles.

I was ignorant when it came to this emotion and I wish I would've stayed that way.

My foot slams the pedal into the ground as I try to reach my Aurora.

My Aurora, who could be lying dead in her car. The whole of my body itches to feel her skin against mine and my hands shake to make the person who caused her suffering to feel true agony.

I'm so, so sorry, my love. I'm so sorry, forever.

For once in my life, I would beg. Beg anyone, everyone for my woman to be alive.

Please, baby.

When I see Aurora's BMW, I slam on the brakes. My knees tremble as I sprint over to her car but I ignore it.

Nothing matters besides her.

I should've known earlier on the phone by her shaky voice. God, I was a fucking idiot. My girl told me she was seeing things that weren't there, having panic attacks then passing out and I believed she was fine.

I failed her. And I can only hope I don't have to suffer the consequence of my failure.

Swinging the drivers door open, my whole body seizes as I take in the sight before me.

Blood.

So much blood, everywhere. Crimson red blood paints Aurora's tan skin and white dress. My eyes and hands frantically search her head for a gun shot wound. A frustrated sound crawled up my throat when I couldn't find anything.

Rolling her limp head to face me, I cup her cheek when checking her pulse.

Faint but there.

My heart stops when her eyes flutter open. I immediately lean her body forward and climb in behind her. "Where's the blood coming from? Come on, baby, tell me, please." My voice is raw and cracks as the words fill the air.

She shakily flips her arms and I see the blood seeps from cuts. So many cuts, it's almost just one wound. On both arms.

"No, no, no, no," I repeat the word over and over again, in shock. The first tear falls down my cheek.

I'm so lost in my trance, I don't hear her voice immediately. 

"Matteo," She croaks. "I didn't mean for this to happen."

I don't respond, not knowing how to even process this. "I just wanted the voice's to stop, I didn't want to end my life, I swear." She cries.

Something snaps in me. 

Working on auto pilot, I rip off my shirt then rip it into two pieces. I wrap both arms tightly in the fabric. "You're gonna be fine," I grit. "You're not fucking dying."

The three seconds it takes to send 911 to Sebastian, haunt me because when I zone back into my surroundings, she's completely falling apart.

"I'm so, so sorry." She sobs. "This isn't what I wanted."