𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚 |𝟏𝟖+

BONUS || Full Heart & Bed

song: turning page - sleeping at last

.....

matteo verrati

I had a conversion with my wife a few years before I married her.

About how my chest feels tight when I'm not with her. She gave it a name, anxiety.

I stare at my screen as it reads me the textbook definition.

anx·i·e·ty /aNGˈzīədē/noun

a feeling of worry, or unease, typically about an event or something with an uncertain outcome.

This is full of shit. She was full of shit.

It's way fucking more than just worry or unease. It's fucking crippling my ability to breathe. I hate that I don't know what she's doing when I'm away or that I can't read her emotions on that beautiful face.

This was always a terrible side effect but now that I have two children..

This is bullshit.

"Sir?"

I lift my head from where it was resting on my knuckle and raise a brow at Jay.

He scratches the back of his neck. "You have.." He clears his throat. "On your shirt, there's..

"Spit it out." I grit, already knowing but wanting him to suffer.

"Breast milk." He rushes out.

I glance down to the dried stain of milk on my black dress shirt. I fed Aurelia this morning before I left for work so Aurora could get as much sleep as possible.

My baby's a little messy.

I could've changed my shirt but if I had walked back into our bedroom, Aurora would've woken.

Her over everything.

Sitting up straight in my chair, I clear my throat to gather everyone's attention. "I have a family to get back to so I'll make this short." The aggravation is clear in my voice. "Stop making decisions that leave me with unnecessary amounts of paperwork. Are we clear?"

Some men's eyes widen. "Yes, capo."

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

My chest was right.

Something's wrong.

I came home to chaos.

As soon as I walked in the door, I was met with the shrill cries of Aurelia and Angelo stuck in the couch head first.

"Where's mommy?" I ask my 2 year old son as I fix his ruffled hair.

He points to the ceiling.

"And where's that?" I prompt, we're trying to work on his speaking skills.

"Up-wheres," He replies, looking at me with big eyes.

I purse my lips. "Good enough," I pat his hip and hoist him up.

Carrying him up the stairs, Aurelia's cries get louder and as I come up to the nursery door, I can hear Aurora's quiet pleas for her to stop.

Opening the door and walking in, Aurora's blood shot eyes snap up to mine.

Lowering Angelo to the ground, I quietly go tell him to go play in his room.

"What's the matter, baby?" I ask softly, cupping her cheek and tilting her face up to mine.