12/08/2022
No this isn't about some other girl you're with I might be jealous of, it's inspired by the 2013 film, Her.
"I just wanted you to know, there will be a piece of you in me always, and I'm grateful for that." (Joaquin Phoenix, Her, 2013)
About a week ago I had a dream of you and it initiated the cycle of thinking about you. I wanted to write, but I thought it'd be dumb and so I put it off for a few days. I do this every time. If I put it off it stays on my mind and the thought of us just sticks in my brain until I finally just give up, let in and write. So here I am.
I don't know who you are anymore, you've changed in every way. There's still that poeticness inside of you that keeps me wanting to know how you're life is but man, I'm sure there's no part of you that wants the same. You seem successful and happy and you look good. Like, really good. Just looking at old pictures of us made me realize how lucky I was to have such an attractive boyfriend. Like, you were all mine. I know I was more fit and attractive back then but I think you were always out of my league.
Thinking about you makes my day feel so much more groggy like I'm trying to focus on something but the dust of your existence with me just creates this ground-pulling numbness that carries me throughout the week. I'm a little upset that this cycle thing is still a thing but, being able to be reminded of our past lifts me up in a way where I can imagine the happiness I used to feel. I will always love you, but I know you won't come back and I know I won't ever get to grow old with you. There will always be a piece of you in me always, and I'm grateful for that. God, I wish I still knew you.
- J
