You, won't get out of my head

heart outage part 2

05/22/22 @11:42 PM

My love... my love love love. And I know, nothing lasts forever.
The power still being out has left me to my mind. I've had too much time away from my electronics, and it's created space for you (unfortunately). But while we're here I mise well note on some things.

Even though I don't have any electricity or internet, I felt comfort in just having my MacBook open. Just on an empty screen, attempting to cause me to forget about the outage. The thought of seeing if I had anything downloaded off my Spotify came to me, and of course, the only playlist that was was the playlist. While the first couple of songs played, I had this instant feeling of relief. While it's probably due to the significance of our past relationship, I truly love each and every song. I tested myself a bit, and I know almost every lyric to every song. It's a bit impressive but mostly pathetic.

Amanda taught me to own my feelings and to never apologize for the way I feel. So, you know what. I'm owning this shit right now. I still have feelings for you, and I always will. You treated me in ways I'll never feel again. The passion, the sincerity, the humour, the patience, just all of it. I'll never be able to ever properly explain what we had, at least in my eyes. No matter how many of these silly books I make, no one will ever be able to grasp how much you stuck on me.

Whenever I interacted with you, whenever I talked or even just sat next to you, I always felt happy. There would always be this indescribable pit in my mind where it just felt right. I was so incredibly proud to be your girlfriend and everything always felt right. Maybe now that because I'm in a low-standard relationship, I'm craving how you treated me so much more. I miss feeling happy with you.

To this day I continue to puzzle upon the thought of why you stuck so much with me. Either this is the most intriguing love story for the children, or (the reason which is more likely), I'm sitting here pathetically writing my feelings to a ghost that will never lay eyes on me again.

I see that you're in a separate Business school now, good for you. I hope it's going well for you.