05/13/2022
5:26 AM
I had a dream of you this morning as I slept in. It was another one of those dreams that stays on my mind for so long that I hope and wish I can fall back asleep and continue it. Fortunately so, sometimes I do end up falling back into it. In this particular dream, I was at a party in a house that looked awfully a lot like mine, but wasn't. It was in the late hours of the party where everyone was either getting ready to leave or slowly falling asleep on the couch. At this time, I saw you and we shared a bit of a moment. It was though that I hadn't see you in years, but everything was normal. We were standing by a table as we talked, and for a brief moment like it always plays out, we just remembered each other. Remembered how it was. You hugged me so tightly and told me that you loved me, and would love me forever. I then saw Nickon at the door, ready to leave, giving me the thought that I should go. At this point as well, you had drank a bit too much so I helped you to the couch and layed you down next to one of my coworkers. The dream took a bit of a twist and as I went to leave, Nickon and our friends left without me, it was as though they were all collectively upset with me so they purposely drove off right when I was about to walk towards their car. I think they thought I had kissed you during our conversation, and cheated, but I didn't. I assume they wanted me to be upset in them leaving me behind at the party without a drive home, but I was really okay. I ended up attempting to walk home alone, but got lost and ended up downtown. I made some friends on a bus and they helped me back towards home before I woke up from the dream. I wanted so badly to fall back into the dream, and while a sort of continuation did occur, it was mostly a circling scenario that I was vividly creating to give a sort of pleasurable relief.
On another note, one of Nickon and I'd mutual friend has a cottage he's been wanting to invite us to, and spontaneously he's decided this Saturday is a good time. I'm not sure I'll be able to get the time off from work in order to come, but I know there will be other chances. The point of me mentioning this is that, I'm hoping his cottage will remind me of Dylan's. Those times we went together, drove and admired the small town, had so much fun around the campfire. Staying in his small cottage house with the bed we shared that one night. I don't even really know why but those nights always made me so happy and I felt so safe there with you. So, with my friends cottage, I'm hoping I'll be able to just sit on his dock and think of you. I think it'll just give me a little peace and I might feel myself smile a bit.
Lastly, before I finally go to bed, I was thinking back to when you surprised me at the airport. I had not the slightest clue, but it was so cute when I came down the airport escalator and you were there at the bottom, holding a sign that just said, "Jill". I remember how you told me you were listening to Best Friend by Rex Orange County because you had loved it so much after I played it for you. In the moment I was so embarrassed but thinking about it now, how sweet it was, how selfless and cute it was, god I wish I was more appreciative of it, I never deserved you.
Anyway, I just wanted to get some thoughts off my head. Have I ever told you that certain temperatures and outside smells make me think of you? I probably have but, I was taking the garbage out a few hours ago and the smell of the air at night made me think of when we dated, it was odd but comforting.
I wish that when I dream of you, you look like how you look now. My dream representation of you still looks like old you, it frustrates me because I'm dreaming of someone that doesn't exist anymore.
All in all, hope you're doing well. Hope Ryan and Dylan are doing well. Hope you're getting good sleep and you're doing okay with money. Most importantly, I hope life is treating you well and you're enjoying what you're doing. Stay safe,
- J
