06/03/2022
I wonder if I'm doing the date marks right. I do month, day, year but some people do it differently. But listen, you wouldn't believe where I'm at right now. Nickon and I have just decided to break up at the end of the summer. Doesn't that sound familiar to you? His reasonings are not far off from yours either.
Once summer ends, he'll have a heavy load from work and he's leaving for school in France in the midst of Semester 2. I'll spare you the context of how we agreed to breakup at the end of the summer but, it's crazy how I'll be going through this for a second time. Even while I always will feel more for you, having this happen a second time is just ironic and so unfortunately miserable. Another expiry relationship.
I've been starting to think maybe it's not the people I meet, maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just not wife material, and the men I commit to aren't interested in committing long term to me. Neither of you tried to think about how it could be if we tried to make it work. The first thought of long distance just turned off both of you.
I can't say I'm really doing well right now. I'm good, it's just, the thought of having this foreshadowing future heartbreak all over again is just devastating. The daydream of a future with either of you has been ripped away from me and maybe I deserve it but it still just sucks.
Maybe I'm meant to grow up alone. Surrounded by people I care about but none who care enough about me. I'm on this earth to love deeply, and hurt hard.
Anyhow you should check out the game Detroit: Become Human, it's really interesting and insane graphics if you haven't already heard of it.
- J
