Breath taker

Part 5- I'm Too Busy To Be A Guardian- (And A Lot Of Math Because Why Not)

"Hey! Put me down!" she yelled as a yeti stuffed her into the sac he held in his hand. Even still, she continued to squirm and fight inside the bag. With her scythe in the bag with her, her appearance kept changing back and forth as her hand swept the blade.

She could tell that they were taking her through a portal from the sounds and she felt them toss her on the ground. Wincing, she felt her bruised tail bone as she clambered awkwardly out of the bag. Looking down at her hand, she saw that she was no longer in her skeleton appearance.

"Aaaaah, there she is! Death Reaper!" a large Russian man cried out. Santa Claus she remembered.

"Where..... am I?" she asked confused.

"Ah, yes! You are at Pole! Now, introductions. You know me, North, yes? Sandy, Bunny, Tooth and Jack Frost." he said as he pointed at each person.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me, Tooth. Hypothetical question, would you take the baby teeth of dead kids?" Lorelai asked.

"Uh, weird question.... I'd need more context. Maybe? Why?" Tooth replied confused.

"Oh nothing, nothing. Just wondering." Alright, guess we're doing plan necklace then. She thought in her head.

"Kay now that that's out of the way, mind telling me why the heck you kidnapped me?" she added.

"Why? I'll tell you why! Now you are Guardian!" North cried as the elves began to play music. The fairies offer her a necklace of red roses which she declined. Sandy toasted to her while Bunny rolled his eyes. Jack watched her with curious eyes. North opened a large book as she decided that she had had enough of their whole stupid whatever.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" she yelled. The room went dead silent.

"What in Hades makes you think that I want to be a Guardian!" she asked, pissed.

North started laughing. "Of course you do! Music!" he cried. But no elves raised their instruments as the Reaper looked daggers at them.

"This is a very random event, and a crap idea on whoever made this decision. You want me- you want the person who kills children to protect children? Nu uh, that's YOUR job. I have my own problems."

"Problems? What problems could you possibly have?"

"I'm sorry? My economy is currently in free fall, Hell's overpopulated, it turns out that a lot of people are worse than you think, Elysium seems to be filling up as well, the unemployment rate is currently through the roof, I'm dealing with protests because the other Reapers want more off time, I have people asking for an early retirement, their contracts are death binding so I don't know how they think that works, I'm working to get my investment in reincarnation into production, a lot of people aren't happy about that but we're running out of room, the pandemic's not been helping much, there's too many people dying for us to keep up, this entire generation seems to be going through depression and suicide,which is problematic because I need to keep eyes on that because a lot of them aren't meant to die which means that until they start, y'know dying, it doesn't register so we can't reach them until it does and that takes a while. MY job needs me to not only put people out of their misery, I also have to keep them happy afterward, which isn't that easy. So I'm sorry that all you have to do is make sure that less than 25% of the world is happy, because I have to look after 100% of a much larger number." * Yes I did the math, see below for some nonsense.

They all looked at her concerned, after hearing her rant. Mainly scared at how someone could be dealing with that many problems and could still function.

"Are-are you okay?" Jack asked, concerned.

"Ha ha, probably not." she replied.

Neither am I after trying to figure out your population.