Chaotic Hangouts

The Genital Inspector

Chaotic Hangouts

Chapter 13: The Genital Inspector

Date: May 1st, 2023

A lot has happened since Bray's murder at the hands of Pmurt Nedib and the number card chaos in the Land of Ooo. We've been forced to burn through so many Steamed Crab Nippers, Senzu beans, HP bananas, MP candies, enchanted golden apples, potions of strength, Yggsdrasil berries, and other recovery items as the war in Miitopia has only gotten more intense by the battle. We've lost a lot of comrades and are having a hard time bringing them back. It's gotten so bad that we literally have had to ask some comrades to perform checks on peoples' gear and stuff. What we didn't know was that only one would end up doing so and that they had a odd nefarious plan in the works behind the scenes. The same kind of odd that is found in transphobic rhetoric on many versions of Planet Earth. Okay, I knew they were planning something due to being a writer but I could never find the right opportunity to confront them. We've been fighting so much after all. But then today happened. Last night, we finished another long battle that went on for days. There's been a brief pause in hostilities because we kind of killed or captured the majority of the Nazis we fought against, making their manpower scarcity worse. And we've destroyed so many androids that they're having trouble getting enough material to create new ones by using innocent people.. Yes, they turn innocent people into androids still. It's not good. We also captured a few ports and destroyed several factories and naval battleships and aircraft carriers largely manufactured by the UMC using cheap labor. Of course the UMC has really started manufacturing things. Pmurt Nedib is really bad at winning at anything. The brief pause in hostilities probably won't last long so the plan is to go all throughout Miitopia today fully geared, looking for any hidden enemies or intercepting an incoming swarm of freshly dispatched Nazi troops. We'll also attack locations where some comrades are being held to be questioned and executed.

Because the hostilities have temporarily ceased, I almost end up actually taking my time a bit to enjoy breakfast. However, I stop myself from doing so and eat 4 of the pancakes Fluffy made for anyone who wanted them today. So good. I ate them as fast as possible while still enjoying them. And my drink was some fruit punch made from squeezing grapes, oranges, cherries, strawberries, and some other fruits into a big container where they were mixed together with some cane sugar. No carbonation though. I pretty much was the only one doing the squeezing. I nearly crushed all the fruit while doing so. Strength has become as important to me as intellect is. Plain obvious after everything. That's why I volunteered to squeeze the fruit. The base got a greenhouse a while back so it's been used to cultivate fresh produce through ethical means. After breakfast, it was time for everyone to get individually checked by the person I mentioned with a nefarious plan in the works. He does things so quickly that he can check everyone in the entire Miitopian Peoples' Liberation Front in an hour or so. 15-30 if things are really bad war wise. Like really really bad I mean. His cognitive abilities are something else as is the sharp eyesight required to pull that off. For the majority of the time he was checking everyone and their gear out, nothing happened. I know this because there was silence throughout the base as I picked out a book to read in our library from a standing pedestal as I also stretched my arms, rolled my right arm, massaged my back, and carefully swung with my sword. I rarely get time to warm up so I might as well do so now, right? The book I read is called The Adventures Of Ooo and Aaa, author unknown. Funny, I wrote down a Chaotic Hangouts chapter idea called The Ooo and Aaa Show. Anyway, we have a virtual queue set up that informs us when it's our turn to go be examined by you know who. No one even knows his name. He hasn't bothered sharing and we haven't been able to ask him due to the war.

After about 55 minutes, Im informed it's my turn to see him. I put away the book and slide my sword back into its scabbard. As I walk towards where he's at: the laboratory, I see Pirate Blaster trying to keep Thrashbeak from attempting murder or something. "Thrashbeak! Arrr! We don't have solid proof that he's secretly a d bag! He just looked at my crouch with a strange expression!" "Squawk! That dude is sus! Sus! Squawk!" "Pirate Blaster, how much Earth internet lingo did you accidentally feed him? That being said, that is very sus of you know who to do." "Adam! I think Thrashbeak'll feel better if you investigate while that guy checks you out! Don't worry! Just promise that you will and I think Thrashbeak will just angrily glare in the direction of the laboratory until you come back." "In that case, I promise you both that I will investigate why the hell he looked at your crouch with a strange expression. Actually, I'm pretty sure I know why already. His identity is The Genital Inspector." "Are you serious?! Arrr! That blaster landlubbing numbskull! He's really called that?! Are you going to behead him?" "I could be wrong. After all, my story ideas in my other body don't always line up with what actually happens in this second life of mine. And no, I won't behead him. If he's who I suspect, we need to make a lesson out of him. Killing him would be easy but we need to make it more clear that those who secretly embody fascist bullcrap will not be tolerated and be taken care of as soon as we find them out. We can't afford to have fascist spies or traitors to deal with. I'm going to go now. See you soon, comrades." I walk off and enter the laboratory where it's just that guy waiting for me. "Welcome Adam. Like always, stand right on that x and I will begin your examination. It will only last a few seconds as usual." "Good. We can't slack off for even a day. We gotta nail fascism far beneath the dirt." "Yes. Yes. You say that every time." I step onto the x taped to the floor. He walks to me and starts looking at me top the bottom up close after looking at the basic info sheet about me written on paper again. He does that every time to remind himself of anything he's forgotten from it.