A Sliver of Change | S. Black

Part 2: Chapter 53

Part 2:

Chapter 53 –

April 20th, 1980

Lia looked out the window of James and Lily's place, her tired eyes watching as the snow slowly melted from the grass, causing a flood of water to make a mud pit. The heat of her steaming cuppa burned her hands slightly, but it was a pain she welcomed, relishing in the feel of something.

She had showed up at their place last night after an argument with Sirius, adding another one onto her list that she had been making lately. They usually focused on her, Sirius making it known that he just wanted her to talk to him, and Lia knew that it was her fault for keeping it all in and causing them to fight as much as they had been lately.

But after she finally forgave Peter a few weeks ago, her anger at the situation faded away and all she could feel was overwhelming grief. She thought that she was handling it fine, used to the empty feeling of losing someone. But it had hit her like a ton of bricks, smacking her in the face harder than she was prepared for.

She missed Gideon. She missed Fabian. But mostly, she missed Marlene.

The fourth person that made their tight knit friend group into just that. They had all been together since the age of eleven and thought that they would be together for the entirety of their lives, raising their kids to be as good of friends as they were.

But that wasn't reality. Reality was facing the horror that you could lose someone you love at any moment in the day and Lia was having a hard time swallowing that pill of truth.

"Are you still here?" James exasperatedly said, his form slumping into a chair across from where Lia sat on the couch.

Lia spared him a glance and a nod before looking back out the window, finding peace in the process of nature. She heard James release a sigh, his foot tapping on the ground as he most likely deduced a way to get Lia to open up to him.

"You're being a bloody idiot Lia," he gritted out.

Lia nodded her head, "I know," she replied.

But James wasn't done.

"Pushing away the people that care about you," he added.

Lia nodded her head again, "I know."

"Screaming at Sirius," James reckoned.

"I know."

"Losing your temper with Remus," he cut in.

"I know."

"Shutting us all out, including me," he responded.

"I know."

She heard James jump from the chair, throwing his wand against the wall and Lia could see him rip at his hair in the reflection of the window.

"IF YOU BLOODY KNOW THEN WHY AREN'T YOU FIXING IT," James yelled.

Lia choked on a sob, refusing to look at James as she thumbed through her thoughts. She agreed with everything he was saying and wanted to fix the issues within her, but she was scared. Everyone closest to her died and she found pushing them all away easier.

She was scared to lose Remus whenever he went on a mission. Scared that Mary and Dorcas would be murdered because of the way they loved each other. Scared that James would play the hero and get himself and Lily killed. Scared that Alice and Frank would die going to work each day. Scared that Voldemort would exact his revenge on Sirius for not joining.

But mostly she was scared for the future of Alice and Lily's children. Wanting them to get everything they wanted in this world, but knowing that until the war was over, they wouldn't.