Been Hunting Home | Suarez III

Chapter 34

"I won't forgive you."

Apat na salita lamang ang lumabas sa bibig ko nang magkita kaming muli ni Mamá.

"Adelina, are you okay—"

"No!" I yelled at her before she could even near me. Hawak niya ang labing huminto ilang hakbang ang layo mula sa akin.

"I am not okay, Mamá!" Bago ko pa mapigil ang sariling emosyon ay humagulgol ako. "I will never be okay again!"

"Kahit kailan, hindi ko kayo mapapatawad! I won't forgive you for lying to me my whole life! I won't forgive you for keeping the truth while I was lost in your made up stories!"

"Adelina . . ." She sobbed. Her hands are reaching me but she knows that I will never let her touch me.

"You hide so much from me, Mamá! You robbed me of every truth that I deserve!"

She shook her head. "Anak, all that Mamá wants for you is to have all the best things—"

"¡Metirosa!" Liar! "You only want what's the best for you. Huwag niyo akong gamitin na dahilan!" Dinuduro siya ng mga daliri ko.

"Totoo 'yon, Adelina. Gusto lang kitang pro—"

"Protektahan?! Protektahan saan, Mama?"

"Sa lahat, Adelina! Sa paghihirap, sa sakit, sa masasamang tao. Iyon ang mga gusto ng isang ina."

My forehead knotted. "Gusto niyong protektahan ako kaya ikinulong niyo ako rito? Iginapos sa mga kasinungalingan at binulag sa katotohanan? Mamá, kung protektahan ang nais niyo, bakit nasasaktan ako ngayon?"

"You always say that the people out there are dangerous because they can hurt me. Ngunit kahit ang naririto mismo sa loob ng mansiyon na ipinipilit niyong tahanan ko, dito ako nasaktan nang husto—at kayo! Kayo ang dumurog, dumudurog at patuloy na dududrog sa akin hanggang sa mamatay ako!"

"Do you know what I feel right now, Mamá? I am disgusted! I am guilty! I am so sorry for the people that got hurt because of us! You don't know how miserable I feel right now! You don't know . . ."

"Anak . . ."

"Bunga ako ng pagkakamali, Mamá!" It was my loudest yell. After that was my heaviest cry. "T-Tell me, what's more painful than that? H-Hindi ko naman ginusto na makasira ng pamilya . . . Hindi ko naman hiniling maging anak sa labas. . ."

"Adelina, wala kang kasalanan." Lumuluha siyang umiling.

"W-Wala?" I bowed my head and cried. "Paanong wala, Mamá?!" nagsusumamo kong tanong. "What's so unclear to you? Can't you see it? Perhaps you can't swallow the truth that you're nothing but a mistress!"

"Adelina!" Her hands formed into fists.

"Why? What now, Mamá? Sasaktan mo ako? Gawin mo! Sampalin mo ako kung nais mo, sabihin mong wala akong respeto sa 'yo!

"But you can't forced more lies to me. You're a mistress and I'm just the illegitimate child!"

She shook her head. "Hindi 'yan totoo. Hindi ka pagkakamali!"

"I hate you, Mom," mahina ngunit mariin kong usal. "I despise you the most—more than anyone else. I hate you so much!" Pinalis ko ang mga luha pisngi at mabilis na naglakad palayo.

"Adelina, espere . . ." She tried to hold my arms but I yelled at her again.

"I don't want to feel you, Mamá!"

Napaatras siya sa lakas ng sigaw ko. "Adelina."

"Kung maaari lang ay ayaw kitang makita, ayaw kitang marinig! Kung bibigyan ako ng pagkakataon mabuhay ulit, hindi ko gugustuhin na maging anak niyo. Kung maaari lang makalimot ang puso at isip, gagawin ko kahit kamatayan pa ang kahabtungan ko!"