is this real? Milly and Matt #HouseoftheDragon

intro... (milly's pov)

late 2022 - australia

It's almost time for the first round of nominations for award season to start and to be honest I don't know what to think and how I should be able to act around this. I've never been in this position before when a project I've done has been in any type of conversation... and the first season of the show ended a few months ago and also, it's done for me, whatever happens next will be on Emma's hands and honestly, I'm so happy and excited for them and I wanna see their Rhaenyra and where the story will go next. At the same time, I'm interested to know where daemon Targaryen's story will go in future seasons of the show...
Speaking of daemon; more so speaking of the actor who plays him aka matt smith aka one of my best friends aka someone I might have feelings for... someone I've been spending a lot of time with since we did promo for the show back in June-July starting with comic con...
No one knows, some of the members of the cast knows what we've been telling them and the few times we have hang out with them as a group we've acted as normal as we can for two people that care about each other and has maintain a close friendship on and off set, but also people who are still trying to figure this out...
The moments we've spend together getting to know each other as more than friends are far apart in between each time we've seen each other, it's been harder lately since he's been traveling for work and also on vacation that he booked before we started this... and I've been doing some modeling and also adjusting to my life in London since I now live here.
Right now, I'm back home in Australia filming a show I was doing before booking house of the dragon and I love it. I'm spending my time with my family and trying not to overthink what I'm feeling towards matt. He kinda knows and he's been telling me things too but since we haven't been able to see other much in person, that conversation we need to have, we haven't been able to have it...for now and for the last month or so, we have only been in conversations over FaceTime without crossing that thought at all and according to the schedule my publicist just sent me if the first leg of nominations for award season goes well for our show and its actors, we might see each other in January or February or both...
I look at my calendar and I start to freak out a bit since it all might change if this goes well... and, truth be told...I miss him. Everything about him...
I don't know how it all started to be honest, since we finished filming we didn't talked much, he had a bit more to do with second half of the season with Emma and in between he was recovering from injuring himself during filming and we went months without saying anything and only a few texts here and there mostly because he knew I had moved to London after I finished filming I didn't do another thing for like 3 months until I came back to Australia to do second season of the show upright...
Also, there's the elephant in the room aka our age difference...
He just turned 40 years old very recently and I am 22 years old.
When we met in 2021, he was 38 and I had just turned 21. When we're together that doesn't seem to bother us at all and some people that might suspect we might be having something or something happening between us and look at us with weird eyes but he's assuring at telling me that as far as we don't pay attention to that or doesn't start to show in our relationship (whatever than means) then it shouldn't be a bigger problem and we're both adults...that was one of the last thing we actually spoke about in person after comic con when we went out for lunch and pictures of us sitting next to each other were taken but thanks the lord, nothing else happened and after that, we went on with our lives normally and to the outside people, we were just friends and colleagues and to the inside, we don't have a clue.
I was in this war with my thoughts, my head and my heart when I received a call and I thought it was my publicist that just send me my calendar and what started this internal conversation but then my stomach flinched when I saw that it was actually matt the one calling me and I was confused because is 11pm here in Australia but don't know the time or where he is actually...

I take a deep breath before I answer...
"Hey, you" – I said to him.
"Hey, how are you? Sorry for the time but I've been meaning to call you for a bit, but I was just busy and then (I heard him struggling with his own thoughts) I just wanted to call you" – he just said, and I heard him sigh very loud...
"I'm good and don't worry about the time, it's late but I'm wide awake actually" – a couple of seconds went by and only silence followed before I continued – "and don't worry about that, I've been feeling the same, just timing and wasn't sure how to contact you correctly since you've been everywhere and also I don't know what to tell you to be honest" – another minute or so followed before he answered back...
"I'm sorry about that, I kind of forgot how many trips I had booked, it's been confusing times and one thing after the other and stuff just got busier for both of us and I kinda suck at these types of things..." – before he could go on, I interrupted him...
"I'm sorry but what kind of things exactly" – I said with an annoyed tone which surprised me as well as him...
"Long distance relationships, whatever type of relationship we've been having, I don't know what to say or do and it's confusing me" – I can picture him playing with his hair...
"Well, me and you both, never been in one...long distance I mean" – I said...
"Yeah, me neither...not like this anyway" – "I'm not following you Matthew" – I said back and took us both by surprise...
"I mean us" – he takes a deep breath – "listen, we do need to have this conversation in person... I can cancel my trip before going to England for the holidays, then I have a job that starts filming around January..."
I started talking before more time passes and this conversation gets nowhere - "So, you also got that email, did you?" – I asked – "Yes I did...how are you with all of this? I mean award stuff and media attention? We haven't really talked about this" – he said, and he was right...
"I've only been to one award show in my hometown, so I just don't know. I figured the show might get there following game of thrones and they have a story with those type of shit, you know? But other thing is me, us being in that conversation and I don't wanna think about it" – I said with the last part being lower since I don't know if there's a us even exist or will ever exist...
"Well, I'm not used to either, so is weird every time, but whatever happens, I do think at least the show might get some noms and we might get invited to these things...but we'll know more in the next few weeks" – he said.
"Yeah, my publicist told me that too...going back to that other subject...when are you going back home?" – I said with hesitation in my voice since we need to find time to talk and figure things out...
"In a few days. I start filming in London my new movie in mid-December before Christmas break and then I'll be spending new year's in Mexico and depending on if we're going to America or not, I'll start filming in February and then go straight to filming season 2 which apparently starts filming in March..." – he finished and my brain hurts with all this information, he has been busier than I thought...
"Well, that's a lot...you do have another trip, this one when did you booked it?" – I said – "My friends actually did the planning recently when I was celebrating my birthday, which I did invited you by the way" – I noticed his tone while telling me this last part...
"I know matt, but this trip is with your friends, and I didn't think, and I still don't think it'd have been a good idea if I'd have showed up to be there with you when we don't know what this is. Also, I had some projects and stuff to do, and it was very last minute when you invited me..." – I sighed when saying this last part and I'm starting to believe this conversation is going nowhere and I'm not sure of anything anymore... - "I know, all of this is too much... what I need right now is..." – I interrupted him – "what do you need matt?" – he said "I need to see you, Milly. Can't go much longer without seeing you and us trying to figure this shit out" – he finished...
"Me too, I've been thinking about you today more than these past few months and then you called me and..." – this time it was matt who interrupted my speech midway – "I've been missing you too...look, I can cut this trip sooner and go to you and then back to England, when are going back to London?" – my mouth was wide open when he said the last part and couldn't answer him right away – "are you still there?" – matt said.
"Yes, I'm here" – I sighed before continuing – "Matt, are you sure? I was planning on staying here to spend the holidays with my family and then go back to London and then to America if we get the call..." - I said.
"I'm sure, we have to do this face to face mills and we don't have much time before work steps in and we both get even more busier and truth is that I miss you, I need to see you in person, not just talk to you on the phone and this way we've been communicating for the last couple of weeks..." – he said and as much as I agree with him, I'm hesitate of how this can work and much longer we can keep doing this...
"I do know that Matt, is just complicated and it's getting worse...but I do miss you too and I also need to see you...I just don't know how, I mean can you make the trip here in time before going home for the holidays? You have to Matt for your mum and sister..." – I said and once again things were getting frustrating, and we both were feeling it... - "I don't care about logistics right now mills, I'll make it there in time and then see my next move, I'll talk to my friends that are here with me on the trip and I'll text you the details. I cannot wait to see you and finally tell you in person how much I miss you and need you in my life, I'm dead serious Milly" – he said and I started having a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach I haven't felt when I'm around matt and I wonder what this actually means and my feelings towards him, which right now is scaring me the heck out.
"I truly don't believe you; this is too much and you're fucking insane, Matthew. And I'm also dead serious when I tell you I don't know what you did to me, but I miss you and I need you in my life, whatever that means..." – I said and we both shared a laugh – "me too babe, trust me. Now go rest, ok? I'll talk and see you soon" – I froze when I heard he called me babe and I don't think If he realized he called me that but I'm also not complaining whatsoever and gives me hope we can actually make this work – "take care, matt and please go and get some rest too. We will talk soon" – I said, and I had my stomach turn and move inside with every type of emotion this call had me feeling and my emotions towards matt.
A while after we ended the call, I got more nervous about what this crazy idiot called Matthew Smith might do for us to get maybe just a few hours or days before life gets even more nuts and I don't know where this might lead us, and I have never felt anything like this before. And I gotta admit, I'm afraid as fuck...
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This was longer than anticipated but let me know if you wanna keep reading...

Don't know how long this might be and I haven't gotten to that part of the awards yet but this just came out of me and I just wrote and kept going lol

Also this is obviously my version of events and what I wish happened, so few things from the award season aka golden globes and critics and also sags (which unfortunately the show or actors didn't get any nominations and I'm still mad about that) might change...

Let's me know your thoughts...

Thank you...