Worth the Shot - JENLISA collection

shut down (T)

"I love you."

Her movements halted at that moment when I blurted out those words.

Prepared na naman ako sa ganitong klase ng reaksyon. Napangiti na lang ako nang mapait kasi alam kong imposibleng marinig ko 'to pabalik.

But hey, at least I got the courage to tell her right?

Jennie moved out of my embrace, getting up from my lap as she reached for her bag.

She opened her mouth as she faced me awkwardly but I beat her to it.

"You don't have to lie just to escape me, Jen. Just go. Hindi rin kita pipiliting mahalin ako pabalik," I told her as I turned to go to the kitchen.

"I just..." her words made me stop, secretly hoping she'd say she loves me.

"... I just can't do this to you, Li. You're my bestfriend."

I let out a laugh. "Bestfriend, kalandian... putangina ganon rin naman pagdating sayo. You look like you fucking want to kiss me but you fuck a married man inste-"

Her slap made me tilt my head and close my eyes.

When I recovered, I felt my cheek sting but what hurts more is the look in her eyes. Instead of wrath, I saw pain and shame.

Guilt, even.

"Li, I'm so sorry..." her eyes were teary, "Hindi ko rin naman 'to ginusto. I love him, you know he was there for me when-"

"When you needed guidance. And money."

"Hindi naman mahalaga kung pano ko siya natutong mahalin," she slowly crouched down, her tears flowing nonstop, "Mahal ko siya."

I shook my head and crouched down while holding her shoulders, "Mahal kita. Kinailangan mo siya. See the fucking difference with those words, Jen."

"You can't tell me what to feel," she sniffs, looking away.

"Then what about me? Ano ako sayo?"

The next few seconds were so painful as I heard nothing, and when I walked out of her life, she didn't even attempt to hold me.

Just like that, I lost my bestfriend and love of my life at once.

-

It didn't come as a surprise to me nang mabisto sila ng asawa nung lalaki a few months after I lost her. I heard from our mutual friends that Jennie was confronted while she was having dinner with her parents.

Even her mom reached out to ask me if I knew about it. Galit na galit si Tita at napahiya raw ang pamilya nila. If Jennie was still living with them, they probably would have kicked her out. Mas gugustuhin pa raw niyang maghirap ulit kesa tumanggap ng pera sa anak niyang bayaran.

Which I told her was wrong to say about her daughter. Kasi alam ko namang nagsumikap din si Jennie, although she was also supported financially by the married man at first. Later on, she tried to pay back what she owes him but he insisted na huwag na. Fucking bastard used it to make sure Jennie feels indebted so she wouldn't leave him. At least, that's how I see it.

-

A year later, I'm already dating a guy that recently moved in next door.

Nag click kasi kami after a couple of dates and now we just made it official.

But the thing is...