Children of the Fallen: Bloodlines (BOOK #3)

Chapter 42: Getting It All Out On The Table

Grayson Spencer

We went back to her bedroom. Sitting next to each other on the edge of the bed as the quiet between us settled in. I was containing how much I was truly buzzing. I couldn't stop the smile on my face but she only looked stressed as a war she couldn't verbalize was fought behind her eyes though the rest of her face resembled a picture of apathy. Her knee bobbed up and down and she clasped her hands together so tightly I fear they might break. "I called you a few months ago." She breaks the silence.

"Yes."

She blows out through her teeth and runs her hands through her hair. "That was the night I found out how Lucien covered up my families death." My body goes numb and as it does so her eyes bore into me. "I went out and..." She rolls her eyes shaking her head briefly then says. "I got back to my palace and I was- I didn't want to feel what I was feeling and I didn't know what to do with myself but..." She trails off. "You make me feel... awake and that emptiness." She pauses looking down at the ground like she's embarrassed. "It fades when I'm with you. I wanted you." Her voice lowers substantially as she still avoids eye contact with me.

I get off of the bed and kneel down in front of her, meeting her eyes. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you." I tell her, severely hating that I had missed phone call. I reach for her hands holding them in mine. "I promise you that will never happen again."

She's doesn't respond or react and for a long while she just stares at our hands together pensively.

"I loved you." She finally blurts out and my eyebrows nearly reach my hairline.

"What?"

"19 years ago. I loved you." She states keeping her eyes on our hands. "I didn't know it at the time, I thought I was delusional- I didn't think it was possible to feel such a thing in only three months but I did. So when you handed me over to Lucien it fucked with me far more than I care to admit." Her eyes shoot up to mine piercing me, causing me to hold my breath. "I questioned our every moment, every interaction, and every conversation. I questioned myself because how could I fall for a lie? Were you really that good of a bullshit artist or was I just ignorant?"

"You weren't ignorant. I was."

"And selfish. And a dick." She adds with her vexation bleeding into her tone.

"Yeah." I take it. We were bound to have this conversation. To finally get everything out on the table I've wanted to for a while I just didn't expect it to be now.

"You gave me up for a title. I fucking hated you." She says and I lower my head accepting it. "You knew. You knew what were going to do and you still built me up. Built us up knowing you were going to tear it down. You had all the power in our relationship and I cannot begin to explain how much I hated that. Did you regret it?" She asks, I meet her wrathful stare. "Before my coronation, before you saw me. Did you ever regret it?"

"Yes." I admit. Her eyes harden not believing me. "But I was selfish and cowardly and all I wanted was the throne. I underestimated Lucien's cruelty." Her chuckle at that statement comes out empty. "I had wanted to come see you but between Lucien and knowing that you hated me, I didn't." I run a hand over my face.

She stands up walks past me as she scoffs and mumbles, "Underestimated his cruelty." I stood and turned to her while faced me in the center of the room. "When he strangled me and smacked me and forced me to kill that random woman, that didn't raise any alarms?" She snides.

"It did. I just..."

"You wanted your title more than you wanted to help me." She finishes my sentence for me.

"I let myself believe that he was putting on a show. I was trying to convince myself that you'd be okay. I truly thought that it would benefit the both of us in the end. I get a territory and a title and so do you. When I first saw you at your coronation you looked perfect. I thought it all worked out but then the next morning we were sober and..." My every word is pissing her off, she wants to hear it but she's pissed. "I didn't know what he had done to you and I'm sorry."