At My Worst (Eng - ATEEZ FANFIC)

17 - OMNISCIENT

2017...

-Stop! Why are you always like this!?- Inside those 4 walls people call home, a heavy discussion can be heard even from outside– Well I didn't ask to be born!- Slamming the front door, she steps out her house. Angry, disappointed and hurt. 

-Get back here! Im Saya! I'm talking to you!- Following her daughter, Ms.Im reaches her arm. 

-What!? You wanna be a mom now? You're 17 years late! - A slap - I guess we'll keep counting... - She walks away, with a red mark on her face. The woman stands still not believing she had hit her own daughter. 

The girl starts running as fast as she can, towards nowhere. Her mother had always been distant, caught up in work and going on business trips, lacking emotional interest. The girl had been raised by neighbors and teachers, thinking a mother was someone who only came by for dinner and left as soon as the sun rose. She grew up wondering why that loving person everyone called "mom" was so difficult to find in that woman sharing her last name. The father had never been part of their story, she might have already met him on the street and would never know. 

Alone. 

She had always felt alone, but everyone was too distracted to notice, her smile would always hide how broken she felt inside. 

Everyone has their own lives, she thinks. 

I have my own shoulders to carry my own burdens, she says. 

Tripping and falling down, she stays on her knees in the middle of the road. Wanting to scream, she breathes heavily and swallows her voice. Finding strength in herself, she stands up and wipes her tears with anger for feeling weak and defeated. 

You will never be like her, she thinks. 

You will love people like they deserve it, she says. 

You will not abandon those who need you, she repeats to herself. 

Continuing to run, she meets a familiar face. 

-Hey... Are you okay?- After seeing the silhouette of her friend crying, he waits for her, knowing that he should give her space. 

-Yeah, I just came out for a run- Hiding behind a lame excuse, she responds, trying to dissipate any possible suspicion. 

-I see... - He slowly walks closer to her.

Putting his backpack down, he stands in front of her. Looking into her eyes, he examines her thoughts. Noticing the red mark on her cheek, he softly places his hand on her unbruised cheek. Pulling her into a hug he knew she needed, no resistance, no complaints; she fell right into his arms and warm chest. 

His heartbeat telling her everything was going to be ok. His hand brushing her hair from time to time telling her he was there for her. His breath telling her that crying was not for the weak. 

He understood, even though he didn't know everything. He stood there, even if she hadn't said a word. 

-Thank you... - Red nose and swollen eyes, but she feels comforted. Peace filled her heart and the feeling of safety guarded her. Feeling rescued and nursed, as if she had been astray and was finally found. A simple hug from him felt like a cure.

-I'm here. My shoulders are wider than yours, I can take a little more weight- Looking back at her, seeing the sadness deep down in her irises, a glimpse of need for company and comfort paved their way into his own eyes, urging him to follow her until their knees ached and their feet bled. 

-I...- Mute, but not from lack of words. So many things she wants to tell him in that very moment, how he found her right on time, how she had never felt as safe, how she doesn't want to feel alone again.

-I don't want you to live what I lived. I will be for you the person I needed, because I understand. You don't have to thank me, just let me help you- Having experienced an empty heart, he had to make sure no one else walked down that hallway, not her, not ever.

-It's not that easy... I'm not that easy- Scenes of past discussions with her mother play in her head, the harsh responses, the abyss of silence every time both were in the same room, the constant avoidance of her personal life when she was with anyone else, trying hard to treat others how she would want to be treated in order to bury any other negative feelings. But it gets heavy with time, and she sometimes forgets how to release the extra weight, afraid that she'll let go of the good things instead of the bad.

-Neither am I- Scenes from years ago play in his head, reminiscing how hard it was to leave behind the shadows haunting him. He walked out by himself, to date he doesn't know how he was able to. Now he thinks he was meant to save someone else, her.

-Can I kiss you... ?- Drawn by the closeness and the dense irradiation of his clear concern for her, a sudden impulse barges into her thoughts.

-Ki... Yes...

Looking into each other's eyes, she slowly gets closer to him. Gentle and everlasting define their kiss. Not rushed, not superficial, not selfish, not empty but true.

2 seconds, 4 seconds, 6 seconds... 

I needed you, and you came; she says

You heard my silence and my pain; she thinks

What is this that I'm feeling? Why do you make me feel so safe?... She wonders.