At My Worst (Eng - ATEEZ FANFIC)

SPECIAL - SAYA POV

Time went by. We grew up, we finished high school, some of us prepared for college, others had bigger plans.

I've always loved to draw, so I decided to study graphic design after giving it a try with Hongjoong. When he discovered his passion was music, he worked hard to become a producer. I designed the cover for his first song and realized I had talent for it. He's now a producer, songwriter, and from time to time, rapper and singer. His studio has gotten really famous and coveted, and to think it all started with small compositions for our band.

Yunho had it figured out way before all of us. His goal was to prove to his dad he could take care of their company, so he got into business school. San followed him, as his dream was to open his own coffee shop and administer it to make it grow into a franchise. They share a dorm, as they always said they would. Even before getting accepted by the university, they already had endless ideas about what to do when they overslept or ran out of food, playing rock-paper-scissors to see who gets the bed closer to a window. When they got the admission letter and their assigned dorm, they shouted so loud out of excitement, that Mrs. Park came running faster than a bullet from across the street, scared and worried thinking someone got hurt.

Jongho had always been into sports, so none of us were surprised when he told us he had been selected for an official soccer team. That was the start of his career. He now trains day and night and is recognized on the street by soccer amateurs. Although we barely see him, we still hang out at his house, it became a tradition, even after we stopped the band rehearsals.

Mingi is a whole different story. Just like Jongho, he climbed the rocky mountain that is fame. Starting off as my model for my photography lessons back in high school, he skyrocketed to becoming one of our generation's most famous models. French fragrances, renowned designers, prestigious limited edition accessories, even luxury sports cars, he has done all of that and more.

I remember the first time he appeared on TV. He had filmed a Back to School advertisement, we all watched it together in Jongho's living room. We gave him a standing ovation, threw chips to the air in celebration, the boys carried him and almost dropped him. No one got hurt. We don't see him that often, though. He's always traveling and, when he's home, he doesn't go out because paparazzi wait for him at the door. Still and all, he seems happy and fulfilled, and that should be good enough.

Wooyoung... I don't really know how to tell his story, having lived almost everything together it doesn't feel like a separate story to mine. As far as I can remember, I had always seen him cooking. He would always try to guess the ingredients when we ate out, he would also amazingly improvise dinner with leftovers, and knew how to prepare a dish by just looking at it. Every meal I had with him felt special, whenever he prepared something for me it felt like home. He started attending several cooking contests, he won at least 90% of them, as the price came in money, he saved up enough to open his own restaurant. With time it grew bigger and bigger, Yunho and San help him out with administrative matters, I designed the menu and Mingi helped spread the word with his influence. Now Wooyoung's restaurant is one of those with a wall exclusively for celebrity's autographs.

Yeosang had always been the smartest in class, but refused to attend competitions and debates, he used to say "I already know I will win, why bother?" He meant it as a joke, obviously. I had never seen anyone study as hard as him, staying up late until he had fully understood the math assignment because he knew we would run to him all confused and hazy looking for help. He was always very patient when we didn't understand, no matter how tired he was, he would explain the same thing 10 times if we'd asked him to. He rather have time to help us and attend rehearsals than going to math camp by himself.

He applied for med school and passed with flying colors. We all cried when he got in, we felt so proud of him, but all he did was jump around repeating "I'll be a Doberman! The mascot is a Doberman! I'm officially a Doberman!".

Seonghwa... The end of Highschool wasn't charming for him. His father died a year after they moved in. A fire at the company's building. I can still remember the look on his face, how his smile faded away, how the atmosphere turned grim in seconds.

Wooyoung, Mingi, Seongwha and I had gone out for dinner at a fast food restaurant, we were having a great time, until the TV played the news. He dropped his drink and ran, distraught and hopeless. We followed him as fast as we could, but we lost sight of him. When we arrived at the place, he was fighting his way through the firefighters, begging for them to take him to his father. Wooyoung and Mingi went to get him and tried to calm him. He cried in our arms all night.

He had to find a job as soon as Highschool was over to help out his mom as the insurance wasn't enough for both of them. I saw him cry for the first time, I didn't know the source of my strength could break like that. It felt tremendously harrowed. I never left his side, I couldn't. Even when he told me to go, that he didn't want to cry in front of me, I knew he needed me, I knew he would fall into a gloom abyss if I left.

With the help of all of us, he walked through it, and not only him but his mom. We helped them heal and handle what was left of the pain.

Our connection grew deeper and stronger after that. Later on he applied for college: Architecture. He started building Legos after his loss, he said they reminded him of his father as he used to build them together when he was a child. His dream was to design a building in memory of his father, "It will be a place built up with other buildings, all connected and attached" He told me while showing me his draft. That was the moment I felt more content, he had let go of his pain and turned it into inspiration, into a future and achievement. I was so proud, seeing him drawing, studying, building, I felt the comfort he exuded and embraced it in my heart.

We loved each other at our worst, yet we weren't ready. It took some time for us to be mature enough, for us to be able to learn how to love, for us to know what it actually meant to share part of your soul with someone else. It wasn't hard, in fact, it felt liberating. Having him next to me, holding my hand, caring for me, singing to me, loving me, I had never felt as complete, as safe, as happy. I had found my one and only.

Note:
Here's a little context of our characters lives^^
There were only small hints throughout the story but now I described it a bit more c: