At My Worst (Eng - ATEEZ FANFIC)

25 - OMNISCIENT

Present day...

-Before you go in, I need to tell you something- Just arriving at the floor where Seonghwa's room is, Woyoung stops Saya at the door, and takes her softly by the shoulders.

-Yeah?- Changing her focus from the room's door to Wooyoung's eyes, eager to run and see him again.

-He might not be who you expect him to be, not right now at least. Don't be too surprised if he doesn't recognize you. He might be awake but his mind hasn't fully returned- Trying his best not to drop the news like an atomic bomb, he speaks slowly but clearly.

-He's in shock, Saya. He hasn't said a word yet, he might not even look you in the eye. He's been staring at nowhere since this morning.- Yeosang, who has been taking some shifts at the clinic of that same hospital, speaks straightforwardly, not wanting to hide the details she should know.

-I just want to see him, let me in.- Moving both of them away, she heads to the ward.

Going inside, her eyes encounter a young man sitting straight in a hospital bed, with his sight lost in the infinite emptiness before him. His hands lying next to his thighs and his legs perfectly aligned under the covers. She doesn't even notice the rest of her friends inside that room as she is too absorbed by the one who had woken after 8 months in a coma. Without a notice, her eyes start to fill with tears. As she walks closer to him, she wipes the drops off of her face since she wants to see everything clearly, she wants to see him clearly. Those eyes she had missed, but they don't spark like they used too.

That glow he would always carry in his skin, in his smile, in his eyes, it's not there. As if he were shut down, there's no expression on his face, his eyes are open but he isn't really awake.

She sits next to him, face to face, but he does not look at her. Disappointment, excitement, relish, anger, frustration, relief, all positive and negative emotions twirl inside of her.

-I'm here- She speaks with soft voice and a smile- I'm here-

She takes his hand and places it on her cheek. Feeling his warmth, she closes her eyes while more tears run down her face.

-I missed you- Although he remains immovable, she knows the person she loves is in there somewhere, or else, how did he wake up?

Taking his thumb she does, once again, what they used to do. She runs his thumb from her forehead, down to her nose, and lands on her chin.

-Wait- Suddenly, Yunho notices something strange happening- Is he...

-He's crying...- Jongho finishes the sentence.

They cannot explain what just happened. He had not moved an inch, yet his eyes had given in. Still lost in some blank space in between reality and a dream, little wet drops started falling into his bed sheet. While they were all in awe, a hand comes between Saya's eyes and Seonghwa, someone wiping away his tears with a tissue.

-I knew you would make him react. - Wooyoung says, throwing away the tissue.

And it was just then when she realized what was happening.

-He's awake...- Trying to put all the pieces together, she says, hoping it would make it all fall into place.

-He is. - Knowing what is going through her mind, Wooyoung reassures.

-But you are also here...

-I am. - He smiles at her innocent eyes.

-I...

-It's okay- He softly wraps her in his arms.- I know, it's okay. I'll understand. - With her face on his chest, feeling his heartbeat, but holding someone else's hand, feeling his warmth, but her eyes look at someone else.

-You're both my whole world...- Almost in a whisper, she speaks. He heard, they both did, but she wouldn't know.

Everyone stayed in silence, not even a single breath could be heard. They all knew what was going on, and just like her, no one had the answer.

The night went on like that, quiet, waiting for another response from Seonghwa. Wooyoung trying not to overthink, Jongho calling Mingi out in the hallway to keep him updated, Saya looking out the window as if the night lights would tell her what to do, San and Yunho both asleep lying on each others shoulders, Yeosang checking Seonghwa's monitor, Hongjoong talking to Seonghwa like nothing happened, and Seonghwa watching everything from the darkest corner of his subconscious, feeling caged in his own body and mind, not knowing how to control his own self again, pending in between asleep and awake, then she comes close again and he remembers why he's fighting.

Walking into his field of vision, she passes by and gives him a sweet smile but her eyes don't seem to connect with her smile.

-I have to go now, Seong. I'll be back soon, okay?- In her mind, she hears his voice answering, but his lips have not moved- You'll stay overnight, Joong?- He was in the chair next to Seonghwa's bed.

-Yeah, my name's on the list. You go and take some rest, I'll let you know if anything happens.

-Thank you- She turns to the small sofa where San and Yunho are curled up- What about these two?

-I'll take them home. - Jongho comes back from his call with Mingi- Wooyoung is by the stairway, by the way. I think you should talk to him, he was a bit off.

-I'll try my best, thank you.- Feeling a bit off herself, she doesn't think she's capable to comfort anyone- Say bye to Yeosang from me. - And she walks to the door.

-Yeah, don't worry.- Hongjoong replies.

Taking a last look before walking out the room, a strange feeling runs her from head to toe making her body ache. She hugs herself and heads towards the stairway to find Wooyoung.

-Hi- Sitting on the waiting station chairs next to the stairs, he sees her standing in front of him.

-We can go now. - He feels it in her voice, she's not feeling well, but he is unwell too, enough to start saying his thoughts out loud.

-S, I love you. I really love you, but if you...- Standing up and taking her hands, not really knowing what he was meaning to say, she comes in between his words.

-Woo, not now please. I just want to go home.- She knew where the conversation was heading, something she absolutely didn't want to hear at that moment.

But her slight lack of empathy was enough to break him. He felt a needle in his heart, and he couldn't help it anymore, having her right in front of him, her hair, her skin, her eyes, her lips, her hands, everything that made him love her hurt for a second.

-I don't want to lose you- She had seen him cry before, but not like that, as if he were surrendering his life to her, kneeling with his heart in his hand and begging her to take it- I thought I could do this but I can't. I'm not strong enough, I can't...-

Shaking, terrified, he left himself exposed like never before, vulnerable and about to crumble down. She couldn't recognize him, it was just then when she completely understood the depth of his love, and it was something she had never felt before. Even if there was a stronger feeling beyond love, it wouldn't be any close to describing what she saw in him.

Impossible for her to find the right words, she simply let him fall into her arms.

He holds onto her like he were to fall from a 50 story high building. And she embraces him, finally entirely aware of what she really means to him and what he really means to her. 

Note:

Tbh it was until this far into the story that I knew how it would end TT