At My Worst (Eng - ATEEZ FANFIC)

22 - HONGJOONG POV

1 month after the accident...

I have had it with me for quite some time now, I thought it would be better to give it back. As I can't give it to him, I called his mom, she will be here any minute now. I thought it was a bad idea to ask her to come during these circumstances but she thanked me, so maybe she needed some time off from all of this.

-Hi, hi sweetie- She's here, looking positive and smiling brightly, no one would ever guess her son is in a coma as we speak.

-Hello Mrs. Park, I would like to ask how you have been but I feel it isn't the best question...- I say shyly, I wish I could come up with a better introduction.- I'm sorry I called in the midst of this situation. -

-It's ok, honey, I've been doing fine actually. Thank you for calling, I've been wanting to come here for a while now. - She smiles kindly. - But tell me, how's Saya? I haven't seen her, every time I go to the hospital she's either asleep or has gone for a meal. The poor girl must be devastated. - I told her I was meeting Seonghwa's mom, but she's not strong enough to face her. She has told me she isn't yet ready to talk with Mrs. Park.

We are the ones who love him the most, if we both break, who will be left to be strong for him?, She told me.

-She's...Well she's doing her best, we all try to help as much as we can. Actually, she's the reason why I called you. I wanted to talk with you about something related to her, and Seonghwa.-

I open my bag in the chair next to me and pull out a small black velvet box. The moment it is visibly out of my bag, I can see how Mrs. Park's expression changes, she takes her hands all the way to cover her mouth. Shock, surprise and sadness mix in her eyes. I put the small box in the center of the table, and she looks at it, wishing it wasn't what she knows it is.

-As you know, I was with them the day of the accident. I saw it on the road next to Seonghwa, Saya was too overwhelmed to see it. I haven't told her about it, I thought it would be best to give it back. That way, he can give it to her when he wakes up. - Looking at the little box, I can't help but to imagine how the proposal would've been, but simultaneously the scene of the accident plays over and over in my head.

-You know - Softly, Mrs. Park speaks. - You were going to be the first one he would tell. He was very fond of you, it made him really proud to be your friend, Hongjoong. - She smiles with a spark in her eyes, a spark Seonghwa also has, had.- He wanted you to help him write a song for her, for the waltz. - She takes the box and opens it, with the ring on display, a solitaire tear falls down her cheek and I feel my eyes imitating hers.

-I know - I say- That's why we met that day. Before Saya arrived, he took out the ring and told me everything, I had never seen him that happy. -

We were at my house that day, Saya had a photoshoot so she was coming later. Seonghwa was oddly excited, eager to say something but he couldn't find the words, so finally he stood up and after walking in circles for a few seconds, he sat back and showed me the velvet box. I almost spit out my drink in surprise, I shouted in celebration and confusion and he had been looking at me trying to decipher if my reaction was positive or negative. Finally, I smiled and his face lit up like the sun, smiling back with that particular spark in his eyes.

-How are you, Hongjoong?- Mrs. Park, sincerely concerned, asks.

-I... Well... - Inevitably, I sigh- I have been writing a lot, I've been trying to work it through, but it's hard. You know, he would always sense when something wasn't right and would call just when I needed help, I've been needing one of those calls lately - I sniff, trying to hold back any tears coming, but I can't help it when Mrs. Park holds my hand to comfort me.

-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I could've stopped it, I was there I could've been more aware and warned him, I could've held him back for a few seconds and he would still be here- I pause to take a breath- I'm sorry -

I feel guilty, deep inside. I was there. He was looking for his car keys while crossing the street, the car came out of nowhere with its lights off. As if it was in a race, it didn't stop. Everything happened so fast, yet it felt like I was watching the scene in slow motion; for a moment I felt oblivious to my own body, I saw myself standing there, I saw Saya running to him, I saw Seonghwa standing next to himself but then I blinked, and I was back to reality.

-You are not to blame, no one is guilty of anything, no one but that driver. You can be completely certain that Seonghwa does not blame you, he might in fact be thankful that you were there, or else who knows how long he would have been lying on that road. I, for sure, can say that I am relieved you were there, thank you.

-I am sorry, I was supposed to comfort you, not the other way around. - Ashamed, I let out a slight laugh.- I can see now where Seonghwa got his empathy from. Thank you, Mrs. Park.

-Don't mention it. It's good to see how much his friends love and care for him, that is enough comfort for me.

-He's not just our friend, he's our brother.

We've all lived quite a journey together, and we've never left any of us behind, we're not starting now.