Twenty-Two: it'll get better some day

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DAPHNE

°•. ✿ .•°

The remaining days are nothing but a blur. We skip 4- which is last, since it is my district- and I receive nothing but hatred in 3. I don't blame them. I betrayed this boy horribly.

I receive shitty treatment in 2, since I killed Lana in a horrible way, but I'm barely able to process my time in 2. I force myself to smile, but the only people who notice are Mags and Finnick. Every time I'm close to one of them, they have to say just until we get to the train, where I break down every night and take sleep syrup.

1 is the worst. I killed Rose and Champagne. I netted Rose and shoved my spear through her heart, even when she begged for mercy. Her family glowers at me like I deserve everything.

Champagne's family is harder. I can remember quite vividly what I did to him. Inside... inside it was fuzzy. Like I had no thoughts. I just remember screaming and crying, and blaming him for killing Kore. I remember murdering him with nothing but a rock. I remember smashing his face in to the point that I had his brains and blood all over my body and face. Even in my mouth. The terrible, metallic taste haunts my memories. I remember beating his attractive, beautiful face into nothingness. I remember Kore dying in my arms. I remember taking the knife he killed her with- the knife Mags sent me- and ruining his body even further, still screaming at him.

And for some vile, disgusting reason, I don't regret it. Kore was too young for him to have killed her like that. She never deserved any of that. Champagne deserved what I did to him and worse. I'll never forget what I did, or what he did. And I don't think I will ever regret it. I'm not ashamed of the way I treated him and his corpse.

And I hate myself for thinking that.

We go back to 4 and celebrate further. I dance with Finnick and Mags and my family, but they all know that I'm feeling off. I dance with the girls in grass skirts and beads and a very slight brown top. I move my hips and my torso accordingly, but I don't find myself feeling anything.

I don't feel anything besides pain in the Capitol.

My first night there, Snow addresses me. He congratulates me on my victory, and wishes me a long and plentiful life. Something about his gaze reminds me of a snake. I don't like it in the slightest.

"Oh, Daphne, you were marvelous!" Some woman named  Augusta tells me. "I mean, the way you set such clever traps! The way you had no mercy when you killed! It was breathtaking!"

I glare at her. Finnick sticks his tongue to the side of his mouth as he sets his glass down. He walks over to me with a seductive smile, and takes my hand. "A dance, if you will?" Several people give me an envious look, but I follow Finnick and ignore everyone else.

The Capitol music is empty of all life. It's slow, only for two people. Finnick holds me close to him as we sway. He smells nice; expensive, but not tacky like Capitol men do. I feel my heart racing, but my chest also eases.

"This is the last night." He says in my ear as he leans his head against mine. "We're done after that. Just one night."

Just one night.

Later that evening, Snow summons the both of us under the pretense of a private discussion in regards to our back-to-back wins. I can't eliminate the sinking feeling in my gut as I take a seat next to Finnick.

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