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THE TRAIN RIDE TO THREE WAS QUICK. Octavia hadn't spoken to anyone since stepping into the train car. She watched as Seeder and Chaff would whisper to each other, glancing over at her occasionally. Octavia feels uncomfortable knowing that they're talking about her, but she doesn't engage. Her cuticles bleed from all the nervous picking that she's done. They're getting close to the Capitol, that means her conversation with Snow cannot be put off. Octavia wants to cry at the thought of being sold to people she'd never met before for sex. She'd barely even kissed anyone, let alone been intimate with a stranger. Octavia's fear and anger is released through her blood, that flows from the raw skin across her nail beds.
When the train stops, Seeder and Chaff seem more excited than they had been. Octavia guesses they're getting to see some of their Victor friends, though she can't remember any Victor's from Three. The doors open with a machinery sound and her eyes scan her surroundings.
The air in Three is incredibly polluted, similar to Five. Octavia knows that they create most of the technology that the Capitol uses here. Computers, helicopters, even some military equipment come from Three. The people from this district are usually very intelligent. She wonders why she never heard a thing out of the tributes of Three from her games, until Brandi reminds that they were both thirteen. Octavia bites her cheek until she tastes metallic warmth, something to distract her from the thought of dead children.
The speech in Three went the same as the rest, she met the Victors, she spoke, she cried after. The Victor's she met were very kind, and they were all around Seeder's age. The man she met spoke eloquently and politely, the woman behind him said nothing. Octavia sat back and let the adults converse with each other, she had nothing in common with any of them except for the burden of death on their chests, and that wasn't an exciting topic of conversation.
Later that day, they arrived in Two, Noran and Analea's district. Octavia killed Noran because he killed Augustus. Augustus killed Analea. Octavia has a feeling that she won't be very welcomed here. The Victor's were surprisingly kind, more so than she'd expected. She pondered if the career's become more human after their games, if they realized how brainwashed they were as children. Octavia wonders if Noran would've, or Analea. Had she done something differently, would one of them lived? Would they get it?
When Octavia stepped onto the stage, she felt sick to her stomach. Beneath Noran's picture, a young boy stood. He was alone, the child couldn't have been more than ten years old and he was alone. Octavia thought of Thresh at the sight of him. Beneath Analea stood two adults and three children. They all were blonde with striking blue eyes. She remembers Augustus calling the Hadley's "legacies", which would be lining the other children up to volunteer as well. Octavia's heart pounds in her chest so loudly that she doesn't hear herself speaking, but she knows that she is by the anger in the crowd's eyes.
After what feels like forever, she finally leaves the stage. She doesn't speak, she doesn't cry, she just walks back to the train. Octavia goes into her room on the train, locking the door behind her. Sitting on the bed, she stares blankly at the wall. She's not sure if she's real anymore. The feeling of numbness is one that you're not sure you're feeling. Can numbness even be called a feeling? Octavia feels nothing. Numbness is more than she feels. Octavia is empty. Her nails dig into her arm, skin breaking from the pressure. The only thing she feels is the pain from her body, and the scary part is that Octavia likes it that way.
