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OCTAVIA STAYED HOME WHILE FINNICK ATTENDEDDISTRICT FOUR'S STOP. Seeder and Chaff had gone back to Eleven after a few days. Octavia told them that she understood, and she did, truly. The fear of what Eleven had become, though, terrorized her.
The loss of her mother replays in her head like a broken tape. She remembers the feeling in her gut as she walked away from her mother for the last time.
"I'm so proud of you, Octavia."
Rhea's last words to her play on repeat. She can't help but wonder how things could have gone so wrong, so quickly.
It had been a week. Octavia's attempts to sleep were rejected by visions of those she'd lost—a list that kept increasing.
Augustus tells her that she didn't deserve to win, and reminds her that he died for her.
Rhea tells her that she should've known that something was going on.
Consus says nothing, which is even more terrifying than if he did talk.
Rue and Thresh tell her that she should have done more for them.
She even sees Lionia, sometimes; Alena, too.
Octavia thought that after the games, she wouldn't have to suffer anymore. She thought that being a Victor meant living in peace. It was almost laughable, just how mistaken she was.
Finnick did his best to keep her from completely losing her mind. Octavia was pushing him away against everything she wanted. She kept catching herself wondering if he'd be better without her.
Octavia sits on the floor, rocking herself back and forth slightly. Soon enough, it would be time for the reaping. She would have to pull herself together by then, she knows that.
The thought of having to mentor this year worries her. She wasn't sure how much more loss she could handle. What if this year it was one of Seeder's kids? Or one of Rue's siblings?
The question of fate is not what, but whom.
Whose name gets drawn this time? Which unlucky twenty-three die before they know what it means to live?
Octavia begins to lose track of her thoughts as pictures of her games begin to play in her head. Augustus' death would never fade from her memory. Octavia imagines what the lives were like of the people that she and her brother slaughtered. Was it selfish of her to grieve her family when those she killed were someone's grievance?
