" i'm so sorry deku."

Chapter 1 (TW: SH)

[ Hi guys so before the story starts i just want to say really quickly, thank u for reading my story this is my first time writing one and i hope its to your satisfaction. This is a Bakudeku love story that also follow the traumatic life of deku, and...later on in the story is a bit of a dadzawa theme...but you will find out soon! This is a a fan fic so yeah. Sorry for any spelling mistakes i read through every paragraph like 3 times to make sure there arnt any T-T (i have diagnosed dyslexia btw) anyway enjoy the story guys! ]

Deku's POV: I wake up. It's another horrible day that will suck every single living part of me thats left out untill im just a walking corpse. I sure feel like one with the way my body looks.I put on my unwashed uniform frome yesterday and walk accross the room to get the old red shoes i have worn since middle school, they are so dirty and worn out my feet hurt with every step i take in them but i didnt care, it's not like ill have to wear them for much longer. I throw my uniform shirt over my shoulder's and start putting it on still walking to my bedroom door. As i do that i notice my reflexion in the mirror. "god i look awful." the scars and scabs that cover my- chest and stomach aswell as my entire forearms, wrists and shoulder's- make it look like I've been in some sort of world war type of shit.my sunken in reddish purple eyebags make me look similar to a racoon. I try my best to ignore it and finish buttoning my shirt and kniel down to put on my shoes. Kacchan always makes comments about them looking like i picked them up from a dumpster or that they looked more brown then red, but i cant bring myself to throw them out because its the only thing i have left of my mother. She bought these shoes for me in middle  school, back when they were still a bright and shiny red ,sparkling witch each step. Now i can barely put them on without the under sole comming loos and tripping me with each step. My mother left one day to go buy groceries and just never returned. I mean i knew i was a dissapointment but damn. Eversins I've been working After-school at a bar serving drinks to tables. I frequently get cat called by drunk old men who are so out of their mind drunk that they dont even notice im a guy most of the times.

I get my bag ready and head out the door making sure i still had a spare blade in my pocket...just in case...

I arrive in class, late as usual and see mr Aizawa giving me a side eye while i walk to my desk. He quickly drops it though and continues with the lesson. 
I cant focus. My mind keeps making me zone out, i have these impulsive thoughts all the time were for example I'll sit and think, what would happen if i just jumped out this 4 story  window right now,Or stuck a pair of sizzors in my arm.
But this  time its diffrent. I don't think about useless things, my mind is focused on one thing...one thing that it's craving right now. I need it.

"MIDORIYA!" aizawa yells frome across the room. My ears start to ring as i come back frome the strance. I look up i relized while i was zoing out i was subconsciously drawing line after line , harder and harder  across my page until my pencil snaped. I guess Aizawa saw that and asked me a question.

"sorry sir , i wasn't paying attension. Please repeat your question."  i blurt out giving a nervous laugh followed by an awkward grin. they're fake but i have to atleast act normal. Well as normal as i can so that no one would notice.

*Aizawa sighs*    "Problem Child, come see me after class, we need to discuss something."

Oh no. This can't be happening. No.no.no.no. Surely he doesnt know!? No. He can't . Theres no fucking way. I just have to act normal and ill be fine. Just dont mess up. I can do this. I've done it all my life. Lies after Lies sprouting out my mouth to everyone. It's going to be fine. Fuck.

*The bell rings and everyone walks out the class, midoriya tries sneaking out with the group but aizawa calls out his name. He can't walk away now.*

"you wanted to talk?" i say giving the same awkward smile as before.

Aizawa's POV: something is wrong with him, this isn't like him to be always late. He looks nervous like he is hiding something. I will find out. I always do.

"What's the matter with you Problem Child. You have been late everyday for almost 3 weeks now and your grades have dropped allot and you never focus in class anymore, you are always on a diffrent planet. The same goes with combat, the other day you nearly fell off that bridge whilst fighting and you didn't even care. What's going on."

"Nothing if wrong Sir, i have just been exstra tired thats all! It must be my phone i guess."  i spit out as fast as i can so that i can get this over with as quickly as possible- the blade in my pocket in calling to me.

Aizawa Pov: Lie. There is definitely something wrong. I know it. He is fiddling with his hands again witch is a big indicator that he is nervouse and uncomfortable. Hiding something. I will find out eventually , but not today i have too much to do it will have to wait. I let him walk away...