You and I

chapter 30

It was just me and the open road in the dead of night I turned up the radio wanted the tunes to drown out the thoughts in my head, which was re playing over in my head. 'Outnumbered by Dermot Kennedy' hummed low when I pulled over on the verge put my head on the steering wheel and I cried, scream and swore. The image of her haunting my vision every time I blinked, She was sat there with her perfectly round tight, her nipples poking through and he just stood there. The music carried on playing and I had no luck my thoughts where crashing into me they where racing all over the place it didn't bother me that he asked for the photo as that was before we were official and he was very drunk that much I knew was true as some of the texts he sent her that night made no sense. It tore me apart that he had kept it. If he had been honest with me from the moment he sprayed his lockers I would of laughed at the drunken mistake. Its been almost a year of being his girl and I was acting like the cat who got the cream not knowing he had dirty photos of his last hook up he could look at all he liked at any time. Confusion, sadness and hurt all hit me like a tidal wave. After a couple more heart wrenching screams I wipped my eyes all puffy from crying I moved my hair out of my face the ends where slightly damp from where it got mattered in my tears. I headed Home I knew where I needed to be right now the only place I could think of.

I parked the car at mine. My dad would be so mad at me driving after having a slightest sip of acholoc but they where all away for the night at some dinner at a friends house my mother had posted about it on her many socials. I got out and I started the walk to the park. My head was pounding hard the mix from aclhcol and crying was never good. Did I over react? at the end of the day he dumped her because he wanted to be with me. Where there things she could do with him that I couldn't? Is that why he kept the photo so he could sit up in bed get himself of and imagine her. Has he chased her I wonder. My brain wasn't shutting off. Has she crawled to him like I did. She was very pretty there was no denying that, then the other questions came did he physically cheat on me with her she managed to come to nearly every party he was at. Rumour has it she was making her way around the football squad . What had happened if I didn't find them when I did. I shuddered at the thought. Would I walk into them fucking? Was I not good enough. Those words filled my head with tread. Good enough to fuck not good enough to love, Tonights walk to the park felt like an eternity my legs ached and my head was heavy. I held my chest for warmth. As the cool breeze shot through me. I didn't even think to grab a jacket back at mine. I was at the last turning before the park, I could walk this road in my sleep. Due to the secluded location the roads where silent at night and I had the moonlight to guide my steps. When I was younger my parents used to fight most of the time. By the age of thirteen I had gotten pretty good at sneaking out in the middle of the night. I would always come here when the dinner wasn't open sometimes by myself or with Connor just to escape the bickering we would talk about our dreams, ambitions and how we would get the furture we wanted. I just needed to feel whole again like I did two hours ago before I found Able chilling with his nearly naked ex laying on the bed he had me in just the other night, just before I found out my boyfriend still had nude photos on his phone. As I approached the park I could her the recognisable sound of the swing in the breeze it was very old and creaked slightly. To a stranger the noise was something from a horror film but for me it was a warming sound. I plonked my self down on the rusted seat and began the motion helped along by the wind, I had hit shuffle on my phone which was starting to die I just needed to listen to one song.'colourblind by counting crows' The swing picked up and I screamed at the top of my lungs. It hurt so much the pain of being betrayed. I had such strong feelings for Abel but they where starting to turn to ash the more my head torutured me with him standing over her. I got to finish the song before the red battery flashed at me and my phone died. I rolled up the headphones and slipped the phone in my pocket. I could of walked back home and hid under the warmth of my covers but I chose to stay here on the swing a little while longer I leant on the chain and let the swing sway me. Darkeness fell in my eyes