You and I

Chapter 42

Connors hand on mine kept me from the numbness I felt in me. The words kept replaying over in my head like a horrific nightmare, I had lost the baby mine and Abels baby. I know I didn't know anything about I thought my body was just getting used to the pill hence why my period was late. The words lost assumes that I already knew I had it in the first place, but to have it taken away like that all in an instant was heart breaking I always pictured one day of me becoming a mum watching my chid grow taking them to the park pushing them on the swings.Summer days spent out at the beach, all of the scenes playing through my mind of what could have been in months time now dissolved before me like the last bits of ash underneath a fire blowing in the wind. The doctor said I could have children but it would have complications. Me and Abel never discussed having a child. Connor held my hand all the time while I sobbed my eyes where red and bloodshot by the time visiting hours where over I had three days left then I could be assed to go home. Able hadn't been back, only in my dreams I would see him I dreamt of him visiting me and just rocking me to sleep telling me that it was all going to be ok. Dreamland was dead though, no more spicy scenes. No more waking up flustered all hot and breathless gone was that girl who had spirt who had fire burning in her that only Abel held the match.

He hasn't visited me today I woke up with a rose beside me, no note just a single rose the gold chain wrapped around it and I have no clue what was going on with him. None of my friends heard from him they tried contacting him but it went straight to voicemail, they went to the his folks house but still no sign of him. The rugby team haven't heard from him either. The other day I even got a visit from Kerian but called him Lewis by mistake which he laughed when he came to drop me off a card from the team. Kerian came to my side and put a hand on my shoulder which made me think this was it Abel was breaking up with me, the photo Lacey took went around everybody in collage and I was completely mortified to have a painful memory displayed over peoples screen, Kerian said it was just best to give him time to get his thoughts together, the way Kerian was talking made me feel like he knew more of the events that happened or what Abel was really doing . He didn't stay long though, I had another question on my mind now. How much time?. How much time would be enough? I asked every morning as soon as Connors foot would step into the door but instead I would get a shake of the head, My parents where away on holiday and decided to extend there vacation. How would I even begin to tell them what went of, oh hey mum so my crazy ass ex got off his face, broke into a house threaten more then one person oh I got stabbed by the way. Cherry on the cake I lost a baby. No I don't think so some how up to there knowledge I'm happy and safe.

My friends took it in turn seeing me they would all keep me company in there own ways though weather it be sitting watching a bad movie from one of the channels or playing cards it made the hours tick by but the pain was still there I was mentally, physically and emotionally not there. My Balloon was starting to deflate when Johnny came. I adore him I truly do instead of flowers or a card he gave me the pair of sunglasses he gave me which made me slightly smile. I felt like a shell. The white pills I had to take at every meal did help a little bit to ease my muscles, but unfornrtfly I have learnt they don't create a pill for heart break or loss. I remember the day I found out that my Grandad had passed, that was a moment in time that replays in my head in my darkest days. A conversation that shattered my world I felt like my childhood got stolen from me that day everything I thought was pure and innocent about the world went black, I was eleven just got back from playing with Connor it was just after new years and we had gotten caught in the rain. My hair was dripping wet and my jeans where soaked through there where little pools of water in my converse. I saw that my mother and brother was sat around the table my dad was due back any minute. Mum had something in the oven that smelt good. My brother was drawing some sort of superhero scene in his sketchbook. Dad came through the doors and called for a family meeting in the lounge. He sat down beside me took his hands in his they where so warm to the touch. "Eve ....Grandad ... has" Between every word he broke off holding back. I knew what string of words was coming next. I had never seen my dad cry he had always been the strong man of the house but his eyes where grey. I put my hands up over my ears wanting to block out the world. My dad pulled me into his arms and he hugged me tightly. My mother sat on the floor with JC. I didn't even hear the smoke alarm go of. Dinner was bunt, JC screwed up his artwork and tossed it in the bin, in the pouring rain I ran out of the house and straight to the park, My first memory of my grandad was him pushing me on the swings his big hands holding mine so close to the metal chains. We went for a ice cream after. That day all those years ago I thought that would be the most pain I would ever have to endure but this is on the same level. I didn't tell anyone that I had lost a baby but I asked if I could keep the doctors note just so I had proof of it. I had no clue what happened to Liam or Lacey. Part of me wants them to burn but the other just wants peace for them both. I knew holding onto the malice I had for them would eat away at me and I couldn't let them have that satisfaction

"Eve you take care now if you need anything just call this number" The doctor slipped me a number on a card and Connor shook his hand. "Come on lets get you home" He put an arm over my shoulder pulled me in close and I walked through the white doors.