Figuring out the bad boy // Matthew Espinosa

Chapter 36

I have dreams.

Dreams of Nash.

Dreams of him being shot.

Dreams of him being carried away.

Dreams where I just stood there and let him die.

I let my best friend die.

Some nights I wake up crying.

Others I just am screaming.

But nothing, not even the comfort from Chewy, my parents, or anything can make me feel better.

I let my best friend die.
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*Skip to Thursday*

I walked into school today, happier than usual.

Ever since the dreams have started I haven't been getting a lot of sleep and when I don't get enough sleep I'm in a terrible mood.

"Everyone please go to the gym for an assembly!" A booming voice came from the speakers.

I put my stuff in my locker and started walking towards the gym.

Along the way I saw Matt. "Good morning beautiful." He said pecking my lips.

"Good morning." I replied sighing a little.

"Still having those dreams?" He asked.

"Yes. Every single night." I looked up at him trying to smile.

He wrapped his arm around me and we started walking towards the gym.

As we opened the doors I gasped.

It was a funeral service for Nash.

I covered my mouth, trying to contain my sobbing.

Matt started to rub my back. "It's going to be okay." He nodded his head.

"Let's keep going in we're clogging the entry way." Matt pushed me in.

After everyone came in they asked us to all sit in the bleachers.

Our principal walked onto the stage and up to the mic.

"On Sunday May 24, 2015 we lost a friend. Nash Grier was one of my favorite students, and I'm disappointed that he had to go like this. Let us all pray he will live a happy life in heaven. Now we have two students that would like to speak on his behalf. Skyler Evans? Matthew Espinosa? Will you come up here?"

I looked at Matt and he nodded his head as we both got up and started walking to the stage.

"Do you want me to speak first?" Matt asked.

"Yes please." I whispered.

When we finally got on the stage, we saw Nash in his casket.

His eyes were closed, his lips in a straight line, he looked nothing like Nash.

Nash always was showing off his pretty blue eyes and constantly smiling.

This was all way too much for me.

I sat down, trying to comprehend what was happening.

Nash is dead, I saw his dead body.

It's just like it was in my dreams.

Dead.

I curled up in a ball and laid on the floor, crying so hard.

All the good memories started floating back in my mind.

My vision was blurry as I looked up at Matt.

"Calm down." He was crying too.

"I let him die." I cried out.

"No you didn't. He put that all on himself." Matt reassured me.

He helped me stand up and bought me to the microphone.

I was breathing so heavily and sniffing.

"Nash, was like a brother to me. He was always checking up on me to see if I was okay and taking care of me. Now that he's gone I don't know what I'll do." I was shaking.

"Cam, Jack J, Taylor, Shawn, Courtney, if your out there just know I'm so sorry. I let your friend die. It was all my fa-"

Matt cut me off. "No it was my fault. I let Nash die and you don't know how bad I feel. The whole time I was hiding I should have been helping Nash. I was the main reason Jack went crazy. I just couldn't protect him. I'm sorry."

Cam, Shawn, Jack J, Taylor, and Courtney all stood up. Every single one of them was crying.

Matt and I looked at each other. "We're sorry." We said in unison.

They never said anything. Instead they walked towards us.

Matt and I backed up, unsure of what they were doing.

Cam walked up to me and stared at me.

"I forgive you." He engulfed me in a hug. We were both crying on each others shoulders.

All of the guys and Courtney gave us hugs and then sat back down.

"Thank you for speaking." The principal said as he let us sit back down.

"Nash Grier will forever be remembered."

Then the assembly ended.

We all want back to our classes.

"Are you okay?" I asked Courtney. She was still crying.

"No." She whimpered.

I gave her another hug.

"He was my one and only. I loved him so much and now he's dead." Courtney cried.

"I'm so sorry." I said patting her back.

"I just want to see him one last time." She said.

I thought for a minute.

"C'mon!" I said pulling her arm back towards the gym.

We ran to Nash's casket and I left Courtney alone with him.

I looked in through a window.

She was smiling, tears in her eyes just looking at him.

She said a few things, kissed him on the forehead and left.

Just watching that made me realize how lucky I am to still have Matt in my life.

I can tell by the way Courtney looked at him, she will always love him.

And she will never stop loving him. Ever.
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mmmk im so emotional rn....
i may or may not have cried writing this.
i wish i wouldnt have made Jack kill Nash tbh bc i wouldnt be feeling the way i feel rn...
oh ps THANKS FOR 10K READS I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE THAT MANY!!! ILY ALL SM ❤️
my emotions are so mixed tbh..
happi bc 10K reads,
sad bc of this chapter....
byeee 👋🏻😭❤️