Hanggang Sa Huli

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Again

Hindi na napigilan ng luha kong umagos. Lahat ng sakit tumama sa akin ngayon. Para akong pinagka-isahan ng lahat. Para akong tinapakan ng kalayaan na magmahal. Hindi ba sapat na nagdusa na ako noong bata ako? Bakit kailangan 'yung nagluwal pa sa akin ang makakalaban ko? Bakit ba ako hinahadlangan ng pagmamahal ng sarili kong ina?

"What's the meaning of that, Mom?"

She sniffed. "I put that to watch you. Your moves, your actions, and everything! Pinalampas ko 'yung paghatid ng lalaking 'yon sa 'yo gabi-gabi, but I won't let this pass, Seah Venicia! This is way too much. This is too much for you. You are young, you are weak, and fragile. You don't know your doing. I cannot let any harm on you because of that stupid boy!"

"Bakit, Mom? Tinanong mo ba sa akin kung masaya akong kinokontrol mo 'yung pagkatao ko? Those fucking nearly 19 years of my life was controlled by you! I wasn't saying I'm not greatful, but you controlled me! Wala akong karapatan magmahal, magkaroon ng kaibigan, lumabas ng bahay. You treated me as if I were a toy you were manipulating. I am your daughter just to remind you. A-anak mo 'ko, Mommy. N-nasasaktan din ako." Hindi ko na napigilang sabihin ang nasa utak ko for almost nineteen years.

Her jaw dropped. She couldn't believe I said that to her.

"Wala akong alam sa nangyari sa inyo nina Tita Kristen in the past, 'wag mo siyang sisihin. She was there for me, giving me advices. And don't you dare call my love, stupid boy. Mahal ko siya, Mommy. Hindi ko kayang sundin 'yung mga utos mo. H-hindi ko kaya. I'm willing to sacrifice everything for Chase. Hindi mo ako mapipilit pagdating sa kaniya, not this time..."

Mom cried. "How could you, Seah?! We made an agreement back then! No boys, no love! Listen to me! Papaasahin ka lang niyang lalaki na 'yan! He will treat you like a toy, gagawin ka lang niyang pampalipas-oras! Iiwanan ka lang din niyan just like your Dad did to us! Pare-parehas lang silang manloloko! Men are equally made just to hurt women!"

"N-naririnig mo ba ang sinasabi mo, Mom? It's just Dad who did that to us! 'Wag mong sabihan ng ganiyan si Chase dahil hindi siya magloloko katulad ni Daddy!" I said and reality hits me.

Mom slapped me. Not once, but twice. Hot tears fell off my cheeks.

"You don't know the story, so you better shut your mouth! My words are final, Seah. You are never gonna be with that stupid boy ever again!" she said louder.

"M-mom, p-please..." Lumuhod na ako sa harapan niya. "I'm b-begging you, p-please."

Kinuha niya ang backpack ko at nilabas ang cellphone ko. "You are grounded. No phones. No gadgets. Kuya Philip will fetch you everyday starting tomorrow."

"You. Are. Not. Going. Anywhere. Go to your room now!" Isang malakas na sigaw ang nagpalambot sa akin.

I didn't use my last card. I was weak. I am too, right now. It's still the matter of fact that I am still under her custody. Wala akong magagawa ni-isang katiting. Kahit lumayas ako at hindi na bumalik pa, hindi ko magagawa 'yon. I don't have a job, my credit cards, my bank accounts are all handled by her. She controls me. I cannot be independent.

As I lay down my bed, hot tears fell off. I looked like a creep but I don't care. Tinabunan ko ng comforter, unan, at kung ano-ano pa ang mukha ko. I don't care if it's hot. I don't care if I suffocate myself. I want Chase. I need Chase's arms.

I promised to him that I'll call him. He's probably waiting up until now and I cannot do anything. I'm powerless. It's still Beatriz Chavez, my mother, who had and will still have those fortunes and privileges.