I fell in love with my bully ( trigger warning selfharm)

007

Pov Tessa :

I slowly open my eyes and look around. How did I come home what happened I think by myself. I open my blankets and see that someone put me in my pajamas. I quickly stand up but I sit down instantly. I grab my head. Shit an hangover I shouldn't have drink that much. " Tessa you up " my mom yell from downstairs. " yeah mom" I stand up again and walk to the bathroom to take a warm shower.

When I'm done I put an towel on and walk towards my room and close the door. I walk to my closet and look at myself in the mirror. I shake my head and open my closet and take some clothes out. I get dressed and walk downstairs where my mom is making lunch. " hey mom " I sit next to her at the kitchen table . " hey sweetie how was the party" she place a bowl on the table. " yeah it was okay " I take the Muesli and the milk. " mom can I ask you something " I pore the milk in the bowl. " yeah of course sweetie what's wrong  ". " do you know maybe how I got home" I look at my mom.

" ow yeah Hardin dropped you off you fell asleep so he brought you home " she take a bite from her breakfast.  " really" I take a bite from my muesli . " Tessa can I ask you something " I look up and see a worried look on my moms face " yeah what's wrong" maybe it came a bit cold out of my mouth. " are you alright"shes worried and I understand it but I can't tell her. " yeah why wouldn't I be" I look at my mom. " I don't know your so quite recently ". " I'm fine mom really" I take my bowl and put it in the dishwasher.

" I'm going for a walk" I put my jacket on " okay sweetie be at home with diner". I open the door and walk towards the park where I always comes to rest. I sit down on the bench and look at the baby ducklings following there mom. I put my headphones on and listen some music. After 10 min of just sitting on the bench and listening music I stand up and walk towards Starbucks and order my favorite drink. ( Frappuccino caramel ). I sit down and take my phone out of my pocket and see that I have a text from Steph.

Steph: hey girl you save at home I didn't see you anymore yesterday.

Me:yeah I'm fine had to much to drink and just walked home it wasn't that far.

Steph: that good to here I see you tomorrow at school.

Me: see you tomorrow

I didn't tell her that Hardin just dropped me off. As I'm walking towards the park again I feel 2 hands grabbing my arms and pushing me into a tree. " hey there Tessa how are you you really had to much to drink" I see Molly  standing in front of me with a big smile. I look at my left and see Jace and zed holding me. " zed what are you doing I thought we were friends" I was confused he was so sweet yesterday at the party. " shut up we were never friends I just pretended at the party" he sounds angry I feel him pushing my wrist deeper in the tree. " you fat little thing you don't deserve to live you just a waste of time " I feel a fist in my stomach and face. I feel a shocking pain in my body and collapse to the ground.

I stand as quick as I can up and run towards home. " you're not getting rid of us just like that" I hear jace screaming. I'm still running until I stand in front of my house. I look around and don't see my moms car. I open the door and run upstairs and open my room. I walk towards my drawer and open it. I take the blade and sit down. I feel a tears running down my cheeks. I put the blade to my skin and draw a few lines with the thought that I'm not worth of anything.

I take a paper towel and put it on the fresh cuts. Maybe this isn't enough if nobody wants me why am I still here. I stand up and walk towards my desk and take pen and paper. I know it wrong what I'm doing but my head my body everything's hurting. I'm gonna write a note for my mom and when they find my body they will find the note.

I sit down and start to write.

Trigger warning suicide note.

Hello everyone,

You finally did it you just killed me. Molly Jace and even Hardin. Sweet mom I'm so sorry that I put you through. I never wanted to hurt you I promise. I never understood why someone want to put me through this shit. I never did anything to you. My body is just to tired to breath or even live. I was happy until you guys came.

Life is not how it supposed to be. Sometime you don't want to live anymore that's how I feel right now bullies get in the way so this is the last time you will see me I am so sorry for everything it's not your fault mom you where amazing. I love you so
Much and I will always be with you. Please don't forget me when I'm not here. I can't keep it to myself anymore  I HATE MY LIFE so much. I love you mom

I hope you read this letter Hardin. Because of you I cut myself so deep that I can't feel the pain that you make me feel, And I know you had a hard time with your mom who passed away and you dad not handeling it anymore. You was my best friend and you just let me sink so deep that this is the end. I can't do this anymore im sorry. You have hurt me is so many ways. Physically and mentally. Hardin if you read this I still don't understand how you changed so much. You where my best friend you was everything I have had and now your with them. I hope you will find your own way one day and I will look at you from above. And I forgive you and I still love you.

Tessa

I take an envelop and put the letter in the envelope. I take my jacket and put it on and put the envelope in it. I walk to the front door and turn around

" I will be finally free" I close the door and smile ..................

————————————————————————————

Written on 16-07-2023
Rewritten on 27-10-2023