Doomed From The Start: A Marriage Agreement

chapter 8: broken

Jaanvi:

The world was spinning under my feet. Everything seems to blur at the edges of my vision. My pulse was pounding in my ears.

"I love someone else"

the words keep playing in an endless loop inside my head, round and round and round, causing dizziness to overwhelm me.

No, no, I can't have heard him right...my mind must be playing tricks on me, it's not really happening...but no matter what I tell myself, the brutal reality of my situation crashes hard on my back making me to lose my footing and grip the armrest for support.

Divorce.

He is talking about divorce.
On our wedding night.
Of all the things I wanted him to say, but divorce....it was like pouring  a bucket of ice cold water all over my head.

I felt something cracking inside me, the part of me that was hopeful that this marriage would work, the teeny tiny chance that I'd have a happily ever after like in the movies...was now dissolved into dust.

Arya, my newly wed husband is now staring up at me with a look of uncertainty. His posture is rigid, his shoulders bunched in tension and a frown marred his features as he waited for me to say something.
No, I can't...I just can't do this right now, if I did, I might just explode and have an emotional breakdown.

Instead I wiped the lonely tear that slipped down my eyes and cleared my throat.

"Excuse me"
I choked out before pushing past him towards the bathroom. I slipped inside and slammed the door shut before turning on the faucet and sank down to the floor.

For a moment, my gaze caught on the mangalsutra that was dangling carelessly around my neck before my walls broke and the floodgates opened. A choked sob escaped my lips as I cried my heart out in the bathroom on my wedding night.

Tears wouldn't stop rolling down my eyes as I mourned the loss of the future I had always dreamed of, of love stories and happily ever afters, of candlelight dinners and unconditional love, a future i had lost before it even began.

************

.
The sink was overflowing. The water bubbled up over the tub and cascaded to the floor straight into the drain. I can't help but feel a similar resemblance to it.
It took me twenty more minutes to pick myself up from the floor and stand in front of the mirror.

My haunted reflection stared back at me. I looked like a wreck. My eyes were red and dry like sandpaper.
My mascara had smudged from all the tear lines that had streamed down my face. My face was white as a ghost.

I painted a clear picture of devastation. With very hard effort, I put a lid on my over my brimming emotions and sealed it off.
I can't afford to lose it now.

With shaking hands I sloshed the water over my face and scrubbed my makeup clean and changed into my nightgown. I stood staring at the door a handful of minutes as I debated over going out. Finally, I inhaled deeply and pushed opened the door.

Arya was still awake, as he leaned on the couch, waiting for me. He turned to look up at me as I stepped into the room. His eyes were cold and distant as if he really didn't care whether the bomb he dropped on my head blew me into pieces or not. He was still looking up at me, imploring me to say something.
But I can't.
I can't talk to him right now when he's treating me like an inconvenience. That's what I'll ever be to him. An inconvenience.

Instead I avoided his gaze and strode towards the bed. I pulled the covers off before climbing in and yanking the duvet high up to my neck.
I turned away and gave my back to him as I buried my face into the pillow and took in deep breaths.

Despite my best efforts, a few stray tears trickled down my lids as I pressed harder into the pillow. I bit my lips so hard to supress the scream that threatens to break free from my throat. My body shook with the force of it as I screwed my eyes shut, calmed my breaths and
cried silently.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

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