Doomed From The Start: A Marriage Agreement

chapter 29: Sorting out feelings

.                         A R Y A                         .

It's 10 in the morning, and I amble around the kitchen, setting up the stove to make breakfast. I woke up considerably early today despite it being my day off work. Jaanvi still hasn't come down from her room. I guess she's still sound asleep, exhausted after yesterday's long events. I place the pan on the stove and let it heat as my mind wanders back to the recent events.

Yesterday was a page-turner for both of us. I never knew one could find so much happiness and enjoyment in just 24 hours, but I can't deny that having a day out with Jaanvi was incredibly fun and enjoyable. I start to think that, with the right person, anything is possible.

There's something almost magical about how Jaanvi and I connect. Our energies click effortlessly, with her calmness matching my silence and her serenity grounding my thoughts. She brings a stillness that eases my anxiety and a hope that counters my doubts. It's as if we're meant to find each other, our personalities complementing each other perfectly.

Smiling, I chop a few vegetables and toss them in the pan to cook as I make two mugs of coffee for breakfast. It feels surreal to think that I'm actually cooking a meal for once, and not just for myself. A month ago, I would have struggled to even boil water, and now I'm here in the kitchen, making breakfast like it's no big deal, all thanks to Jaanvi. It's much more satisfying than ordering in or going out.

Jaanvi sure has made me change a lot ever since her arrival. But I'm gratefully content, especially as a person who craves consistency more than anything. Strangely, I'm not upset by the sudden, albeit gradual, changes she has brought about in my character.

I couldn't explain it, but with Jaanvi, conversations flow effortlessly, laughter comes naturally, and moments of silence feel comforting rather than awkward. And last night, when we danced together, I felt like a completely different person. I had never let go like that before. And I can't forget how close our bodies were together last night. The memory of how close we had come to kissing keeps replaying in my mind.

What was I even thinking? Of kissing Jaanvi like that when I am already in a relationship with another woman?
I don't know what came over me in that moment. For a second, I was lost in her eyes and the next, I was leaning down towards her, my lips only an inch away from hers.

If only I had leaned down a bit more...

Get it together, man, she's not your girlfriend!

Fuck! My thoughts are all over the place. The morning sunlight filters through the kitchen windows, casting a soft glow in the room that feels incongruous with the turmoil inside me. I pace back and forth, the events of last night replaying in my head.

I'm confused as hell—why was I so drawn to Jaanvi in that moment? Why did her presence stir something so deep within me? It's a feeling I can't brush off or explain away.

But beneath all these layers lies something else, something I hesitate to admit even to myself—a spark of attraction, a longing that caught me off guard. Jaanvi's presence has always been calming, reassuring. Last night, though, it was different. There was a warmth, an intimacy in our closeness that I hadn't felt in a long time.

No matter how many times I replayed my actions in my head, I can't deny the fact that on some level, I'm deeply attracted to Jaanvi. It's not just physical, but on a deep emotional level, I'm incredibly drawn to her beautiful self. I don't know why or how, and I can't seem to find the right words to describe this confounding feeling, but in some inexplicable way, she makes me feel... alive. Like I could just live in the moment with her by my side and die without regrets the next moment.