Doomed From The Start: A Marriage Agreement

chapter 31: Can't stay away from her

                      . A R Y A .

Lucid dreaming. Or that's what they call it when you become aware that you're dreaming while still in the dream state. It’s a surreal sensation, like waking up inside your own mind.

Don't be fooled though—it’s not a marvel; it's a living nightmare. Unlike the real world, where you can simply wake up from a bad dream and forget it moments later, here you are trapped, unable to escape. Your body refuses to move, and your mind is trapped in the realm of your subconscious, leaving you helpless to endure the horrifying dream.

The shadows of your deepest fears loom larger and more vivid, time stretches endlessly, and the line between reality and illusion blurs, leaving you in a perpetual state of dread and vulnerability. I thought I wouldn't ever witness this dream again, or that's what hope told me. But I think the weight of my sins trumps any hope I might cling to.

The darkness seems to have a mind of its own, probing my consciousness, seeking out the memories I wish to forget. Each encounter is more vivid than the last, pulling me deeper into the abyss of my own psyche. Faces of the past, mistakes, regrets—they all come alive in this twisted dreamscape, mocking me, reminding me of every misstep.

I'm once again transported to my past.
The darkness seems to have an uncanny way of bringing back that accident, a terrible incident I wish to erase from the traces of my memory.

I saw HER, lying there in a pool of blood, seeping from the gaping wounds in her body, her skull a cracked mess. Her lifeless eyes stared into the void, accusing and empty.
In my dreams, I reach out to her, but my hands pass through her form as if she were a ghost. I scream, but no sound escapes my lips. The guilt weighs heavily on me, a relentless torment that refuses to fade. I try to run, to escape this nightmarish landscape, but the scenery shifts and changes, trapping me in an endless loop of horror.

The abyss holds me captive, refusing to let me go. My mind is a prison, and every corner I turn reveals another facet of my guilt and regret. The accident replays itself with relentless precision, each detail more harrowing than the last. I remember the moments before, the laughter, the warmth of her presence. Then, the sudden, catastrophic change. The sound of metal against metal, the shattering of glass, and the deafening silence that followed. I was powerless to prevent it, yet in my dreams, it feels as if I’m forced to confront my failure endlessly.

I try to wake myself up, to shake off the nightmare, but the dream grips me tighter. I feel the weight of her body as I try to lift her, the warmth of her blood on my hands. I hear her voice, faint and distant, calling my name. But I can’t save her. I never could.

She stands before me, her finger pointed in my direction. I could hear her whisper, "You did this, you did this to me."

I tried to speak, "No, I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry, please..." But the words felt hollow and weak.
Her eyes, filled with accusation and sorrow, bore into mine, the suffocating guilt unbearable.

The vision shifts again, and I see the faces of my family—Mom, Dad, Bina, and Harman—surrounding me. Their expressions are twisted with disappointment and accusation, silently condemning me. The air thickens, and I am crushed under the weight of their judgment. Their voices blend into a haunting chorus.

"How could you?" "How can you do this?"
"No, I didn't—"

"You did this!" "YOU did this!"
"YOU DID THIS!"

I tried to run, I tried to escape this hellish nightmare, but my feet were trapped. Their illusions keep coming at me, pointing a finger at me from every direction, reminding me of all the mistakes I've ever made.
The walls close in, suffocating me, as the reality of my helplessness sinks deeper.