Doomed From The Start: A Marriage Agreement

chapter 9: decision

Jaanvi:

There comes a point in every girl's life where she had to conciously make life altering decisions that would question everything that she had ever chose to beleive.
Mine came on my wedding night.
The sun has long since risen up. I laid there awake on the bed wondering what today might bring. When did I start to go blind with hope? I wondered as I clutched the sheets to my chest. Was it when I had read the old classics for the first time and felt that maybe everything will end in happily ever afters ? Was it when I wrote handwritten letters for a man I had actually never met, confessing him my eternal love?
Was it when I foolishly thought that my husband would be so head over heels in love with me without even giving it a second thought? I would probably never know.

The sudden realisation of my situation made me feel pathetic.
Everything I ever beleived, or everything I ever chose to believe, started to burn me from the inside out when I realised how wrong I had been.
I would never get my love story, my happily ever after, love is not meant for me, as Life had clearly demonstrated.
My heart was in cinders as I assessed the reality of what had happened.
Still, I had to make a decision, either if I'm going to let go or desperately hold on.
I already knew which before the night had fully ended.

With painstaking slowness, I peeled myself of the bed and got ready to face the day.
Arya was not in the room when I got up. I suppose it's a good thing. I can't even bring myself to look at him for what he's done.
My heart was still hollow as it desperately ached for the loss of a love it had always dreamt of having. Yet, I pushed the pain away and tried to move on.

By the time I had descended the steps, every one were already seated on the dining table. The smell of baked bread and coffee assaulted my nose but I'm not the least bit hungry.my appetite has long since disappeared.

Asha ma greeted with a cheerful smile.
"How was your night dear? Are we getting any grand children soon?" She asked as her eyes twinkled.

I just gave her a tight smile. I don't even want to speak to any of them. I was so angry, angry at them for forcing Arya to marry me, Angry at my husband for not confessing me the truth sooner, I was just angry. Plain and simple.
I chose to ignore my resentment as I replied heavily

" sorry ma, we had a long night yesterday. You have to wait longer for that"

She looked a bit dissapointed but did not comment any further.
Bina squeezed my hand under the table after I took my seat.

"Are you okay? You look tired?" She asked me, casting me a worried glance.

"I'm okay" I whispered back to her, nodding my head exhaustedly.

No, I'm not okay. Far from it really. But she doesn't need to know that. I can handle my own issues.
Breakfast was short and quiet. I let my eyes inadvertently search for my husband. He was nowhere in sight.

"Where's Arya?" I asked Bina as we finished our breakfast.

"Oh, he's not home, he went to make preparations for your departure tonight." She replied

Tonight I and Arya will be moving to Goa to his original house. Its only logical as his company has its main branch there and since I'm his wife now, I'm going to stay there with him.

"Oh...I didn't realise we'd be leaving so soon" I frowned.

"I know right, I'm going to miss you so much" Bina said sadly,

"Don't worry, we can always catch up on social media, besides, we might be coming for a lot of visits since my family is also here" I said reassuringly as I weakly smiled at her.

Her expression brightened as she beamed
"That's so great!! We might then get to hang out a lot more!".

"We sure can" I replied politely.