Her, My Husband

CHAPTER 11

BECKY

I am not new to the idea of arranged marriage, forced marriage, fake marriage and all that due to the number of movies, series and the likes that I've watched so far that caters the idea. The topic was never foreign to me but I've always thought that the main character didn't need to agree to it all, that surely there was a way to fix things without resorting to such contracts, but when it happened to me, that's when I knew that there are things that are simply out of our control and things that pushes us enough to make decisions that we don't like. There are things that we need to sacrifice for the sake of the ones we love.

When I agreed to this marriage, I was prepared to fake happiness. I was prepared to let go of my dreams, my possible future and my freedom, which I did. I was ready for it all but for some reason unknown to me, somewhere along the line I started to find happiness in little things. I learnt to appreciate my life with him in it. A life where he's around. 

I have to admit that I was angry. Angry that I let myself in this situation, angry that I agreed to be his wife, angry that I felt neglected, angry that I felt alone, angry that I was already stuck and there's nothing I can do to change it all. I was afraid that the rest of my days will just be a routine that will be kept on repeat, but slowly he showed me a side of him that I learned to appreciate. He showed me a side of him that I learned to become fond of. He showed me a side of him that was warm and cute. He showed me a side of him that I learned to love.

I was hesitant at first. I wanted it all to be a lie but the more that I tried to resist, the more that I realize how I feel. No matter how much I deny it the truth just keeps on coming back to me, stronger than before. I didn't want to admit it, I didn't even know when it started, all I know is that I love him. I love the way he smiles. I love the way he calls my name. I love the way he shows that he's trying. But despite all this I still feel like he's keeping distance. Is it possible that the reason for this is that he didn't like me mutually? Well, I guess that's understandable. Who would like someone like me, right?

Still, sometimes I wonder why he agreed to this marriage. I thought that he was the one who asked me to marry him but with how things were I don't think that was true. He does hold my hands all the time but nothing more. At first, I thought that he was simply being shy or careful about it but when I tried to initiate a hug, he didn't take it. Slyly dodging with effort as to not hurt my feelings.

He has become very confusing, but is a very different kind of confusing than before. Honestly, I don't know which one I prefer. Before, he was simply hot and cold but now, it seems to be much more complicated. I don't know what to do.

*

"Alright. I promise I'll join you guys next time" I said, as we end the call that has lasted for longer than we planned. Well, that's nothing new anyway, this kind of thing always happens to us, we start the conversation planning to just have some small talk that ends up taking way longer than what's considered normal for a small talk.

I let out a yawn as I finally closed my line chat with Irin. It's been a while since we talked for quite a long time. Although I didn't have much things to keep me busy, apparently, she has many. Namely work and Noey. Yup, those two are really hitting it off. They practically spend every free time that they have together, going on dates or simply spending time together. I really am happy for them but a part of me feels jealous, I hope Fah and I are like that too. It's true that we spent more time together lately, he's actually making an effort in making up to me but... well... it's just different... like there still is a barrier between us and I don't know what that is.

I pushed the power button of my phone to check the time and it was already passed midnight. I do feel sleepy but content at the same time. It always feels good to have some good time with Irin. I was about to settle myself on the bed when I suddenly felt my mouth feel parched. I hesitated for a second pondering whether or not I should just sleep on it. Thinking that it is better for my health to hydrate, I pushed myself off of the bed and out of my room.