Her, My Husband

CHAPTER 29

FREEN

I hate to see that pained look in her eyes, and what's making it worse is that I'm the one who's causing it. I really am the problem. If I wasn't around, things will certainly be better for everyone.

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Forcing myself to move, I ran pass her and out the door. The longer I linger around her, the harder it gets to control my emotions. I know that she's been trying to approach me and act normally but my heart is just not ready as of the moment, which is why I chose to stay away. I know she's hurting but I think that it is necessary for me to put some distance so we could, more like I could, finally be able to move on.

Trying my best to keep a straight face, I called out to Nam. "Hey" I said. "I'm not feeling very well so, I think I'm gonna go and call it a night" I told her and worry immediately occupied her face. "Why? What's wrong? What happened? Are you okay?" she asked continuously as she try and examine my face and body. Trying to find out what was wrong with me. "It's nothing serious" I said, trying to calm her down. "I'm just a little dizzy and I'd really like to lie down on my bed now" I lied and it's really making me feel guilty. "Alright. I'll take you home" she told me and I tried to decline but she made it clear that I have no other option so I simply agreed just so I could leave the place and be as far away from here and from her as much as possible.

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I was silent the whole car ride and I truly appreciate how Nam was not trying to interrogate me more. I was looking out the window the entire time, watching as the view changes with each passing second, trying to clear my head and think of what to do next. I really am feeling exhausted but going home doesn't really entice me as of the moment. I don't really want to face my parents right now. My emotions are all over the place and my guilt is at its highest. Seeing them will only break me down.

"Can I stay in your place tonight?" I asked Nam after much contemplation, still with my gaze out the window. Nam was so shocked with my question that the car swiveled a little, making my heart jump. "Please be careful Nam" I said, trying to talk calmly despite my racing heart. My hand over my chest. "One car accident is enough for me. I don't want to be in another one" I told her. "Sorry, sorry" she apologized immediately. "But you can't blame me, you know. I have... no... we all have tried multiple times to invite you for a sleepover but you never agreed before, so what changed and you're the one who's actually asking for it now?" Nam was seriously confused and I can't really blame her. All of our sleepovers always ended up being held at our house because I didn't want to stay over at their houses. It's not that I don't like their houses, we go to their houses all the time, I just don't agree with sleeping over. So, me asking would really come as a surprise to her. "I'm just not feeling well and I don't want my parents to see me like this" I lied and it makes me feel like throwing up. "I don't want them to worry" I said. "I'll come home once I'm feeling better" this one is actually true. Nam nodded a few moments later. "Ok" she said. "But you have to let them know that you are staying over" she demanded and I didn't bother to argue.

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"Is there something that you need or want?" Nam asked as she stand by the door and watched me take a seat on the side of the bed in the guest room. "Snacks maybe, tea or water?" she suggested. I can tell that she's trying to hold herself from fuzzing over me because I know that she really is worried about me and my condition. It's actually kind of cute and reassuring that she never changes. Still that P'Nam that is very caring and loving towards all of us around her. "I'm okay Nam, thank you" I said, not able to stop myself from smiling. "If I do need something, I promise to tell you" I said, knowing that this is the only way for her to finally leave me be by myself.  "I'll go get you a change of clothes then" she told me. I nodded in response and watched her leave the room and me alone.