Her, My Husband

CHAPTER 16

FREEN

I can feel the changes. I am very aware of my own actions that I can tell the changes. The way I act, the way I move, the way I talk, everything. It feel like I no longer have control over my own self and it's simply doing whatever it wants despite knowing my own limitations.

Ever since I realized how I feel towards her, I started seeing the changes within myself. Even the simplest thing as holding her hand feels amazing. Every single time that she's near, I feel my heart beating loudly. Every single time she's not around I end missing her presence. The way I want to give her everything she wants, no matter how big or small, just to get her to smile that beautiful smile at me. The way I miss her even during those times that we are right next to each other. It's actually making me crazy. Is this really how it feels like to be in love?

I want to ask my friends for advice but I can't even do that. I don't know what to do, it's frustrating. She's right here with me but she still feel so out of reach. I now know that I like her but I can't really do anything about it. Maybe I should confess, but then what? If I tell her I love her, then what comes after that? Will she tell me she love me too, if she does what then? Do we become lovers officially? But what if she tells me she doesn't love me, then what do I do? Go back to being awkward with each other. I want to scream and shout right now but since Becky is just right across the hall, I'm afraid that she'll hear me.

I was lost in this continuous thought that I seem to not be able to find a solution with when someone knocked on my door. Without waiting for a reply, the door opened revealing a slightly pouting Becky that is now fully geared for sleeping. "I can't sleep" she whined as she stood by the door. "I must have gotten used to sleeping with you for the past week that the bed feels empty and cold, now I can't sleep" she elaborated, lips pouting. 'Cute' I thought to myself, smiling. "What do you want to do?" I asked teasingly but she gave no answer, instead, she entered the room fully and closed the door before she walked towards my bed, crouched down and went under the sheet. I can see the bump she made through the blanket and watched it come closer and closer as she crawls underneath before popping back out right next to me and positioned herself to sleep. I was about to fix myself as well when she suddenly reached out for my hand and pulled it over her waist, putting the two of us into a spooning position. I mean, we have done this before but still... 

"There!" she exclaimed. "Perfect" she added. "Goodnight" she greeted before finally closing her eyes. Seriously, how could I not fall in love with her. I don't think she's even aware of what she's doing to me.

Amazingly enough, with her by my side, my mind became silent and sleep quickly took over.

The next day, we quickly went back to our routine. We had breakfast together, Becky sending me off to work, I spend my day working at the office, getting back home, having dinner together before working a bit more in my home office. Not a lot changed in that aspect except for the fact that we were closer. Meals are livelier, we feed each other from time to time. We continue to exchange messages, much longer and much more frequent than before. Even on my way home, we talk on the phone. We don't really have much to say but simply knowing who's on the other line is enough. Dinner was much more delicious now that I know who's making them. Becky told me she still keep on taking lessons from Anya and that she's enjoying it so I didn't try to stop her. After dinner, I'd continue some of my unfinished work inside my home office but with Becky by my side. She had offered to help but I declined, not wanting to pass even more burden to her. She just sat there on one of the chairs, though she always chooses the one closest to me, and waits for me to finish my work before we go back to our own rooms to prepare ourselves for bed. Another thing added to our activities is that after making ourselves comfortable to get to bed, she would always, without fail, come to my room to sleep with me. I'm not complaining, I actually like it.