It's always been you, April Kepner

this feels like the end

flight
season 8 ep 24

🎵Big Jet Plane-Angus and Julia Stone🎵

"gonna hold ya, gonna kiss you in my arms"

~~~~~

Growing up in a big family meant there wasn't time for Madelyn's feelings, that time belonged to her eldest two siblings Nancy and Kathleen. When there's 4 girls and 1 boy in the family, praise only ever goes to him, so nothing Madelyn ever did was good enough, Derek on the other hand was 'perfect'. Then there's Lizzie, everything was always poor Lizzie this poor Lizzie that. She got the victim role, no one knows why, she just did. Amelia, it hurts Madelyn to say that Amy had the biggest part in her lack of attention growing up because Amy was and always will be her favourite. But addiction is a disease, a terrible one. One that not only effects you but your loved ones, you live every moment worrying the battle will be lost, losing a child is one of the most difficult things to go through, no one should ever have to, but for Madelyn's mom it was something she almost faced many times.

Family is where it all starts, it can explain a lot about someone. So naturally Madelyn was never good with her feelings, it's taken time and she's gotten better but she'll never be perfect. The first time she experienced what it felt like to have your feelings dismissed was when she learnt what had happened to her father. Imagine being 8 months pregnant and losing your partner. Imagine going through your difficult teenage years and losing your father. Imagine being Lizzie and losing you father. Or imagine being 12 and 5 years old and witnessing the death of your father. Just never imagine not being able to meet your father, no don't do that because no one cares, it doesn't matter that you lost one of the most important figures in your life, because you never met him, so you don't get to grieve. Well that's how everyone reacted when Madelyn ever showed any feelings towards her fathers death.

So again, naturally she's closed off, she defensive, and feelings was something she resented. But right now, in this very moment she could feel everything. Do you know how hard it is to pinpoint the problem when you feel everything?

Okay.

Let's start at the beginning. Blue, the sky is blue, the sun is out and it's hurting my eyes. Close them again. Slowly sit up.

Okay, no that hurts. Shit. Okay let's try again.

Okay, okay, okay. I'm up. Now open your eyes.

No. I don't want to look.

Shit. It hurts. Everything hurts.

What's that smell?

It smells like somethings burning...

Okay. And...open

No. No, no, no

"Mark!" she yells

Her right leg was splattered with burns. Her right arm the same, the burns wrapping around her shoulder. Every time she moves she winces in pain.

She can see she's alone. But she can't hear.

Shit. She can't hear

Okay, just give it a minute, her hearing will come back.

Just wait