Kabanata 8
"Congratulations, students! Hope to see more of your names here next semester."
Nagpalakpakan ang buong klase sa sinabi ni ma'am. This day nagrelease ng official list of honor students in our section. I really expected my name there even in the lowest.
I didn't make it.
Panay ang pigil ko ng luha ko. Napayuko ako dahil tinatanong ng mga kaklase ko kung ano ang average ko at hindi ako nakasama ngayo'y active ako sa klase at laging perfect ang quizzes at activities ko.
"87.88," sagot ni ma'am sa mga ito. "It's okay Kahel, class, what's important is you did your best. You can do better next time. Just clap for your classmates, okay? Next time they'll be clapping for you."
Umiling ako, nakayuko pa rin.
This is embarrassing.
My mom already expected I'll make it.
What happened? Is it my examinations? Fuck yeah. I'm sure I messed up my test papers. I messed up with the 40% of my grades. Nakalaan iyon sa exams.
Mariin akong napapikit. Paano ko ito sasabihin kila mama?
Pagkauwi ko sa bahay ay nag-open agad ako ng phone ko. For the first time, I received a message. Is it my friends? Are they here to comfort me?
Ma'am Teresa Sanchez.
Oh. It's a teacher. Organization manager ng choir.
Ma'am Teresa:
Nak... kasali ka sa choir, diba?Ako:
Opo ma'am. Bakit po?Ma'am Teresa:
Gusto mong kumanta para sa doxology sa convocation?Ako:
Kailan po 'yun?Ma'am Teresa:
Next week nak.
Kung gusto mo, paki-send sa akin ang voice message mo na kinakanta itong kantang 'to.Nagsend si ma'am sa akin ng link ng kakantahin. Hindi ako pamilyar sa kanta.
Napatitig ako roon. Masyadong mabilis ang isang linggo para sa akin dahil perfectionist ako. Marami akong ina-adjust. Lalo na't hindi ako pamilyar sa kantang kanyang na-send.
I still sent a sample voice message.
She sent me a clapping emoji before messaging me again.
Ma'am Teresa:
Your voice sounds angelic! You're definitely perfect for this. By the way, do you have a cold? Cough or something? I just think you have some trouble breathing.Medyo nalungkot ako sa sinabi ni ma'am. It wasn't perfect.
Nahihirapan ako kasi minuto ko lang napractice ang na-send niya eh hindi nga ako pamilyar doon.
Ako:
Opo ma'am. Mawawala rin po 'yon.I lied.
I need to practice more. At isa pa, this is my only way of showing Darell and my friends how proud I am for them.
A night before the convocation, I dreamt about Darell messaging his Indonesian ex that he misses her. What a weird dream! I'm starting to overthink.
"Goodluck anak. I'm so proud of you. May susuotin na ba ang papa mo sa convocation?" Bungad sa akin ni mama sa mismong araw na kakanta na ako. "They released the honors last week." Aniya.
Nasa video call kami ngayon. Nasa Dubai si mama.
"M-Ma, hindi po ako kasama sa honors."
Nanginig ang boses ko sa pagsabi ko sa kanya ng balitang iyon. Lalo na nang matahimik siya.
BINABASA MO ANG
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