Mimin || One Shots (Smut)

Insecure

I have to say, this story will not be a smut as usual, this is a story of mixed my insecurities and maybe thoughts. Have fun reading it!

(TW: self harm, suicide.)

Author's Pov

Miyeon has been talking to a girl recently, that woman is around her age. Both women are in their 20's, the one though has mental illness and the other one is positive yet a bit distant.

She doesn't know what to do, was she the problem?
Is she being too much?
Is she perhaps ugly?
Too fat?
Too skinny?
Is she annoying when she clings onto the girl too much?
Does she like somebody else who's not her?

Her mind is a big mess, she can't deal with it anymore. It is literally too much of what she's thinking, she doesn't want to open up to Minnie.

Minnie is nothing but very supportive, really nice, indeed very cool, sometimes she could act like these two are friends.

Miyeon doesn't have the guts to ask her anything, what they are, what she feels about the latter, she doesn't want to fuck up what they have.

She likes that girl a lot, she feels a bit safe with her, no judgements, she's not toxic and the most important thing? She trusts the latter.

The latter isn't used to that, all she ever lived in relationships is being with toxic people, not trusting her, yelling at her, accusing her of cheating when all she did was hanging out with her friends.

Or else, forcing her to have sex with them, when she wasn't ready to do it. Having traumatized experience, apologizing all the time, she can't live without overthinking.

Did she do something wrong?
Was she really so annoying?

But, Minnie told her she's not. Why can't she believe her?

She's scared.
She's scared that one day she will leave her completely, tell her she was nothing but boring.

What can she do for her not be boring?

She loves art, music, kpop to be specific, likes small and basic dates, playing time to time some video games with her best friend.

She loves helping people, she rather help her friends or anyone else than herself.

She's on her antidepressants, not even these help her out. She still overthinks a lot, what if Minnie will go back to her ex?

"God, you're so pathetic. Why are you like this Cho Miyeon?" The latter asks herself as she sees herself in the mirror.

"Why do I do this to myself?" The latter asks.

She's been staring at herself for the past 10 minutes.

Tears left her eyes, she was crying uncontrollably.

She didn't know what to do, she can't make these thoughts stop.

Her body starts to shake, she couldn't breathe properly, she was scared.

She knows what she has to do for all of this to be gone.

She ran to her shelf and opened it. Picked a sharp knife she always had hidden in her room, pulled her pants down, and slowly starts scratching her thighs until the started to bleed.

She is such a freak. She thought.

Minnie doesn't know any of this, she will never know about this.

As she was done, she went to the toilet, making sure her parents weren't near the bathroom and wiped the blood with a paper.

It was itchy, it hurts like hell but she got used to the pain.

Okay Miyeon, calm down. You are relaxed, you did it again. Nice job. I'm so disappointed in myself but I couldn't find another way to calm me down.

She saw her phone buzzing, someone was calling her. It was Minnie.

She picked it up, wiped her tears and smiled.

"Hey baby!" Minnie says excited.

"Oh hey baby, how are you?" Miyeon says exhausted.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Yes yes I'm fine don't worry, I just woke up from my nap. Nothing to worry about." Miyeon lies.

You don't have to know what a miserable life I have. How miserable I am, Minnie.
You will eventually leave once you'll find out about my mental illness.

"Oh okay! I Hope you slept pretty well. So listen, I'm going to dye my hair into black again, since I got pretty bored of the blonde." Minnie says.

"Oh that's great baby, it will look good on you! I'm happy for you."

They talked for an hour until Minnie hanged up.

She likes someone else.

Miyeon thought.

I'm not surprised, look at me. I am not worth it at all. I am ugly, she talks to me as if we're just friends. I don't know what we are, does she even like me?

Is she using me? Is it fun?
Do I deserve even love?
What if I just end my life? It would be better. I failed my exams as well, it's no use being here.

It was making Miyeon more exhausted. Thinking like this and so much is really exhausting.

At night she planned killing herself, the pressure she was holding was too much pain.

She walked towards a bridge that was near her home, she starred at it. For long, she was crying.

"Why is my life so messed up? Why can't she choose me? Why can't I be happy with anything?" Miyeon asks herself.

She was standing against the bridge, listening to music.

She took a deep breath, exhale it and opened her eyes slowly.

Goodbye Minnie.
I am sorry, I really like you but you deserve something better than a mess like me.

And so that's what happened. She jumped off.

She's dead.