The Darkness Within: Vol. 4

Not Again

It's back again, this feeling
It's back again, I hate it
It's back, it's back, it came again
It's here again, I feel it

I'm scared of you, I know it's true
It doesn't make sense to me at all
It's puzzling why it's back again
But I'm scared, nothing more

It's illogical, quite irrational
This unknown fear of the unknown
I want you, I want you bad,
But I don't want to talk to you

I'm afraid I'll say something
I'm afraid I'll push you back
I'm so scared I'll ruin it all
I just want to turn my back

I notice the small changes:
Choice of words, the way you speak,
I see it all, every expression,
And I get scared to take a peek.

Because I know what I will find
But what I'll find cannot be found
It can't be touched but it's tangible
And so I'm scared of what'll come around

I want to talk, I want to chat,
I wish I could just reach to you
I know I can, and yet I can't
Lord have mercy- what do I do?

You know how in a relationship
Feelings evolve, and times change?
How people grow and grow apart?
How babies feed, and young ones wean?

It's like the moon that wanes and grows
Though it reflects the sunlight
It still fades and is hid in the shadows
Until it comes back growing bright

Except this time, it feels so dark
Like some wicked, endless night
And this fear, this insecurity
Feeds off of my heart's fright

So let me be, just let me go
I will come back, this I know
But for now, nothing makes sense:
I'm scared of you- and that is all

I wish these irrational fears were gone
That they'd bother me no more
But still they pop up now and then
And remind me everything once more

I'm scared of you. I'm scared for you.
I don't want to push you out.
I'm scared I'll say the wrong thing
And you won't hear me out.

So give me time, and give me space
Not that you have much choice
I'll come back to you when I'm ready,
So let me find my voice.