Desperations

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Why am I in this place again?
Pining after and longing for what I don't have
What am I doing here again?
Longing for and wanting what I can't have

Tell me what I've done wrong
Show me what I should correct
Because if I'm right, them this feels wrong
So tell me where to go next

I feel like I'm going crazy
I feel insane, I feel guilty
I feel like I'm bound in chains
But some part of me also feels free

I'm sad, I'm tired, I'm falling apart
I'm searching for something I can't find
It's really tiring and oh so saddening
Seeing my heart lost in my mind

Everyday, I cry out to you
Everyday, I search for another
Everyday, you can't hear me
Why do I still bother?

This empty feeling in my chest
What once was filled with glee
What once was fickle yet remained whole
Is now broken within me

Why did I get to know you?
Why do I love you still?
I'm afraid yet unashamed
Of the power of my will

I keep saying I can't have it,
I keep telling myself, "No."
But what if, peradventure, I say yes?
What would happen if I let go?

The heart wants what the heart wants,
But I know what it needs.
But what if I give it what it wants?
Shall we see where that road leads?

Screams of frustration fill the sky
As sighs of depression escape my lips
Pangs of shame bring waves of guilt
As tears of loneliness fall in my heart's depths

My eyes have never seen your face
Yet my heart feels you every day
Oh, such displeasing folly
That I would not keep these things at bay

You're the silence and you're the song
You're what's right to what was left wrong
I don't want to live my life in fear
But I don't want to lose what's dear...

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FYI this was written with a few different people in mind- not all stanzas have the same target so I apologise in advance: if it doesn't make sense don't worry about it hahaha

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