The Darkness Within: Vol. 4

Before

(↑　See that cool good looking guy up there? Yeah, that's the main topic of this story)

I had a crush over winter. Cheesy, I know, but my life just wanted to be a soap opera for a season 😂😂

So. One bright cloudy November day, I decided to finally talk to a certain young handsome man that I had had my eyes on for quite a while. On my way to the station from school, there is this restaurant that also has a window to sell goods from. In that restaurant/store, there is always this dude that catches my eye EVERY TIME. So I finally decide to talk to him (by buying something from him, ofc,) after God knows how long I watched him for. We started talking each time I bought yakitori from him, and eventually I learned his age. 19. I was like, "Oh. This is actually doable." And then I stalled for a little while. Winter vacay ends, we meet again in January. I get broke, so we stopped talking for a while after that, but each time I'd pass by he'd always say hi or wave from inside or something like that. So anygays, we continue like that and February comes around. I finally decide to act on my feelings for him and write him a beautiful letter (which I will NOT disclose) and gave it to him on valentine's day with a box of chocolates. (Handing out chocolates is tradition in Japan so I took my chance to give when it wasn't weird at all)

In my letter, I told him that I liked him (among other things) but I wasn't going to ask him out because I didn't have a phone at the time (among other reasons as well). It was more of a "Hi, I like you, take care of yourself, bye" sort of letter. That was the day my hiatus began.

A few weeks later when I went back to school, naturally I walked past the same store again. I mean, it's literally on the way to the station, and I'm walking with my friend as always. You'd expect at least a good enough response, right? He was opening up shop when we walked by. All he said was, "Long time no see," and went back inside. My bestie literally had to drag me away from there, my feet were nailed to the ground, I couldn't move. I don't know, maybe he was expecting us to buy something as usual, I don't know. All I know is that that's the last time we ever spoke.

And now my stalker ass found a photo of him online and immediately saved it. Totally worth it, lmao.
Anyways so in order to let it go, as always, I wrote a poem. Here goes nothing... 

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

It was going to be beautiful,
If only it wasn't hopeless
It was going to be difficult
But we would have made it
But we would have made a mess
That's why it was over
Before it could begin.

You are beautiful, always will be
I wish only for you to be happy.
I would have been there with you,
Sharing your joy, your sorrow, the beauty
We would have had, but we could not: 
And that is why it ended
Before we could have been.

You are truly a good man
I hope and pray that doesn't change
Yet this one thing I have to say:
You're handsome and kind, and that's good and all,
But that's not all I'm looking for.
So that's why we were finished
Before our first scene.

Before "we" there has been "me"
And before "me" there is "I"
Besides them, there is myself,
So there you have the reason why
There could be no such thing as "us"
That's why it ceased to exist
Before it ever did.

I'm glad to have met you
And I still wish I met you sooner
But I'm proud to have talked to you
My public crush, the boy I liked
But frankly, that's all it was
So that's why I gave it up
Before you let me in.

I'm wishing you the best of luck
You'll always be dear to me
The first boy I ever let know I liked
The first crush I ever talked about
Even though I knew it wouldn't work out.
Yes, I knew it was over
Before it could begin.

Cringe, I know, so sue me.