Spy School Oneshot Collection

Duct Tape Cult

Murray was captured, and now Mike and Jawa are tasked with supervising him.

Murray was beginning to get sick of being duct taped to a chair.

"This has to be some sort of torture," he complained to Jawa and Mike, who were watching him.

"It's not," Jawa said.

"Don't I have, like, a right to exercise?"

"You want to go exercise?" Mike asked.

"Sure," Murray said. At this point, he was willing to do anything to be untaped.

"Cyrus would kill us," Jawa said. "So, no."

"Oh, come on! You have me very close to starting yodeling."

"We bought earplugs at the store yesterday," Mike said. "So feel free to start any time now. We aren't going to hear you."

Murray groaned. "Can I at least request a change of guard?"

"Why would you want that?" Mike asked.

"I suppose there's a possibility Catherine would see this as torture," Jawa said. "Which is why she is not in charge of supervising prisoners."

"But she's fine with you guys doing this to me?" Murray asked.

"This way she's not responsible," Mike said.

"That logic doesn't make any sense."

"Of course it does," Mike said. "It's just like how you didn't want to kill Ben, but you were perfectly fine sending other people to kill him."

"Hey, I apologized for that," Murray said. "By the way, did Trixie inherit the whole morality thing?"

Mike gave him a strange look. "Why do you ask?"

"I mean, Erica clearly didn't," Murray said. "So I'm just kind of curious."

"I don't think morals are genetic," Jawa said.

"Interesting," Murray said. "Now, are the Hales in some sort of duct tape cult?"

"What?" Jawa asked, lost. "That doesn't exist."

"But it could! Or maybe the CIA gives out free duct tape."

"Why would anyone give away duct tape?" Mike asked.

"How should I know? I was only a first year student. Maybe the CIA keeps it in storage in one of the sub-basements! That would make sense. Actually, I think that the cooks might have gotten some of it mixed up with the food down there."

"That's ridiculous," Jawa said. "Duct tape just has a lot of purposes."

"Of course that's what someone like you would think," Murray said. "You only believe things if a Hale says them. I could be warning you here."

"We trust the Hales because they only say stuff that actually makes sense," Mike said.

"The Croatoan didn't make any sense."

"But they were still right about it," Jawa pointed out.

Murray rolled his eyes. "And maybe I'm right about the duct tape cult."

"Is this some sort of advanced interrogation strategy I'm just not understanding?" Mike asked Jawa.

"Probably," Jawa said. "Let's just try to ignore him."