How Could I Ever [SunSun] ✓

[09] Conflict

~

"...He's never gonna like someone like me. Why would he?..."

~

[Sunoo]

Sunghoon came to school the next day. He seems fine. He still can't dance, but I'm sure he'll be fine with Jake. That's how it seems anyway. I almost skipped today because I was scared of this, but Riki wouldn't let me. He seems to really be closer with Jake than I thought, and Yeji. Who am I anyway?

I bluntly avoided him, but no matter how much I did, I never failed to meet his eyes in the mirror. I tried to avoid him, but my eyes kept subconsciously going in his direction. It was annoying because he smiled every time. I felt embarrassed and kind of picked on. I don't know. If he wanted to talk, he would.

When we sat down for break, Riki and I sat on the opposite side of Sunghoon, Heesung and Jake. I noticed Riki staring over there, and I felt bad. He shouldn't have to separate himself because of me and I don't want him to feel like he has to. I wouldn't be upset, I understand. Honestly, nobody even did anything wrong, so I don't have an actual reason to be upset or acting the way I am. It doesn't seem to matter though.

I nudged his shoulder, getting his attention. "You can go over there Ri, I don't mind."

He stayed quiet for a moment, then shook his head. "No no, I'm not gonna leave you here." He frowned. "What type of best friend would that make me?"

"Riki, what kind of best friend keeps you from people you enjoy being around? It's okay for you to be friends with someone I'm not having that great of terms with. It's okay. Nobody did anything wrong, and especially not Heesung Hyung. Okay? You can go, it doesn't make you a bad friend."

He gave me a warm smile and grabbed me by the face to kiss my forehead. "I'll be right back Hyungie, promise."

I chuckled. "Yeah yeah, go on." I shooed him away and he flashed me a peace sign. I watched him scurry over to Heesung Hyung and trap him in a bear hug. It was adorable. I could see Heesung smiling and scolding him, while he just held on like life depended on it. I'm glad they met.

The girl, Yeji. She ruffled Riki's hair and smiled at him so sweetly. She seems to really like Riki already, which is good. I'm glad he has other people to take care of him, especially one's that can probably do it better than me. I mean, I'm only in this class so Riki has someone to practice with and someone that understands. They'd be a better fit than me. I smiled softly, even if that thought stabbed me through the heart, because it's the same with Sunghoon. Isn't it?

I finally pulled out my phone and took a sip of water. There's still sweat running down my neck. When I turned on my phone, my heart started beating faster and I got more nervous.

Sunghoon Hyung 🫧 (2m ago)
Are you avoiding me?

I opened it.

~

Sunghoon Hyung 🫧

Are you avoiding me?

Of fucking course I'm
avoiding you!!! The fuck?!
I know you know I like you,
unless you're that big of an
idiot and haven't noticed yet.
I LIKE YOU AND I'M UPSET
I FEEL OUT OF PLACE. I
FEEL LIKE SHIT ABOUT IT
TOO IT DOESN'T EVEN FEEL
FAIR OF ME

Of fucking course I'm
avoiding you!!! The fuck?!
I know you know I like you,
unless you're that big of an
idiot and haven't noticed yet.
I LIKE YOU AND I'M UPSET
I FEEL OUT |

Of fucking course I'm
avoiding you!!! The fuck?!
I know you know I like you,
unless you're that big of an
idiot and haven't notic|

Of fucking course I'm
avoiding you!!! The fuck?|

|

No?

Then why don't you
come over here?

I don't wanna

Well we need to talk
regardless. So either
we do it now or later

I said I don't wanna.
So I'm not going to

I don't care if you
want to or not. We're
having a conversation
about what your
problem has been

I don't have one

So there's nothing to
talk about

Sunoo.

What?

We need to talk

About what? We're
talking right now

About yesterday?
Today? What's going
on Sunny? I miss you.
I was really bummed
yesterday when you
left without saying
goodbye

It's not that big of a
deal. You have other
friends who seem to like
you very much and who
have more in common
with you. I don't think we
work out that well

Sunoo what are you
talking about? None
of that matters. I said
that I missed you, that
has nothing to do with
anyone else but us

You're just as precious to
me as Heesung is. If not
more. Please just talk to me
Sunoo. I don't wanna lose
you over something stupid

So my feelings are
stupid?

That's not what I said.
Will you stop acting
like that? I'm trying to
talk whatever this is out

There's nothing to talk out.
What do you not get
Sunghoon? You didn't do
anything wrong, and neither
did anybody else

So what's your deal then?

~

"Alright everyone, back on your feet—except Sunghoon. Let's go!" Ms. Shin called out happily. She clapped her hands and encouraged us all to get back out on the floor. I was kind of glad of her timing, but I'm sure Sunghoon wasn't. I kept my head down as I went to my spot.

"Hey Hyungie!" Riki called out happily and wrapped his arms around me. "You okay?"

I hummed and flashed him a fake smile. "I'm good, just a little tired is all."

He nodded. "I understand. We can get ice cream later. Wanna?"

I have more of a genuine smile. As long as I have Riki, I think I'll be okay. When he's by my side I have nothing else to worry about. I have nothing to be scared of.

Getting over Sunghoon won't be easy, but it's possible. There's no point of holding on anymore. He's never gonna like someone like me. Why would he?

Until I get over him we can't be friends, because I'll just keep hoping for more.

~

i'm so sorry for making them so annoying this chapter. REUGH. but it will get better, nothing like a little hidden feelings conflict

bouncy by ateez is so good.