How Could I Ever [SunSun] ✓

[27] Scared

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"...Honestly, we should just get married. Fuck men!..."

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[Sunoo]

Riki cried so hard to me after Sunghoon took Heesung out that he couldn't even tell me what happened. I had to turn on SHINee videos and cuddle him until he calmed down, which took a while. Once he did, and he was ready, he turned off the TV.  I didn't rush him, didn't ask questions. I was more concerned with him breaking down than anything else, and now that he's calm again, I became curious as to what could've happened.

"Hyung," he called me, and I made sure to give him all my attention. I want him to feel like I'm listening and like he has someone, because he does. "I think I'm ready to talk."

I nodded. "I'm listening, and I will for as long as you need me to. You know I'm your biggest supporter," I assured him.

He smiled slightly and sighed. He says he's ready, but it's obvious he's still really upset. "Well, Heesung and I got to talking the other day. Long story short, he only ever talked to me so that you and Sunghoon could have alone time. Now I don't know what to believe." He kept it simple and even still it made him get uptight again. "Like, it's all a lie. I thought maybe he just liked me so he talked to me, but it wasn't like that at all."

I frowned. I had no idea, but when I think about it, it makes sense. "Well that is true, but he still puts so much effort into you and still talks to you even though Sunghoon and I are together," I explained. "I don't think he ever lied about his feelings for you."

He exhaled deeply. "I knew you would say that," he mumbled. "That's why I never wanted to talk about it. I knew you would just take their side without any ounce of hesitation, and I hate it. Can't you think from my point of view?" He practically begged me, but what he said first made me feel guilty.

"Of course I do, Ki..." I sighed. "I just don't want you to lose hope yet. I want you to be happy, and Heesung seemed to do that really well," I admitted. "I hate when you cry, and if he really never cared for you, then I won't forgive him. Okay?"

He nodded and trapped me in a tight hug, crying more. "Okay," he mumbled out.

After that we left it alone. I wanted him to feel better and to smile, so we just hung out and watched some more SHINee videos (plus other groups he likes). He sat on the couch dancing and he felt better pretty fast. He was smiling and pointing at the videos all excited like we've never watched them before. If he's happy, then so am I. That's all I want, because at the end, after everything, I know he'll be by my side.

"I wish I could be an idol," he sighed. He's wanted it for years, since he was young. Since before he even moved to Korea. "That would be so cool, but... I don't know what I'd do without you."

I hummed and ruffled his hair. Of course I'd be happy for him, but I've lived my daily life for and with him for years now. "I know, but we have forever together. Don't forget that."

He smiled softly and tackled me in a hug. "Honestly, we should just get married. Fuck men!" He giggled and wrapped his arms around me, lying his head on my chest.

I sighed. "We can't get married," I reminded.

But he gasped all offended. "What?! Forget Sunghoon—"

"I meant the fact that same-sex marriage still isn't legalized," I cut in. I rolled my eyes at him, but couldn't help but smile anyway. "But sure, you know I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with my best friend."

He giggled, seeming to feel a lot better. That made me calm down a good bit. "I love you, Hyung."

"I love you too," I mumbled nervously. Reality is reality, and I can't let him forget it. While he feels upset, he needs to remember that Heesung has a side of the story too. It deserves to be listened to, because he's still our friend. "But you know that you do have to talk to Heesung, right?"

He nodded, getting quiet again. I didn't mean to make him more upset, but this is a make or break honestly. "I know... I'm just scared for the outcome. I'm scared for the reality," he confessed. "I want him to like me, genuinely. I want him to love me how I love him, a-and I want to be with him. I want him to be my boyfriend, Hyung." He sat up and looked at me seriously. "If it's not him, I don't know if I can ever love someone else. He makes my heart flutter in a way it never has, he makes me so happy in a way that even you can't... he made me feel so special, but to think it was all a lie—" he stopped himself and frowned. "I don't think I can take it."

I stared in awe. Riki really has grown up so much, and he finally spilled his heart out to me. His heart that's full of Heesung. "But if you never try, there won't be any chance for you," I told him. "You're automatically gonna lose him if you cut him out of your life without even giving it a shot. So, even if he says no, or that he lied the entire time, you'd lose him either way. But if you listen to him and give it a shot, there's a chance he'll say that it was all true," I explained as best as I could. He nodded, so I continued, assuming he understood. "He's tried this hard to get you to hear him out and to fix things. To me, if he didn't care, would he really put in this much work?"

That got him to think, and I smiled. I needed him to think, that's why I asked the rhetorical question. "I guess... not..." he mumbled out. He's thinking really hard, probably conflicted. "I'll think about it."

That's all I needed, so I nodded. "That sounds good to me, don't force yourself, but don't ignore it all either."

It's time for me to help my beloved little Kiki in return.

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the babies getting into a fight, how sad

need enhypen to all finally get along so they can have group hangouts fr