SINFUL *STILL editing*

SINFUL - 30

"What are the tears for b?" Prince tenderly wiped the final tear that escaped her eye with his thumb, his gentle touch moved her. Andrea was sure that even Prince wasn't fully aware of the control he had over her emotions. That swift action had tugged aggressively at her heart strings, he was playing a rhythm that was causing her to grow even further entangled within his web. She shuffled before him, feeling increasingly self-conscious under his alluring stare. He offered her his sultry smile, the one that consistently sold her a thousand empty promises.

"Prince..." She whispered, lifting her heavily coated eyelashes to meet his gaze, her heart thundered as their eyes locked. She watched Prince as he awaited the words she was hesitating to announce. "Do you, do you...love me?" He observed the subtle strain on her face, evidence that she was very much uneasy. Andrea regretted the question as soon as she heard herself ask it.

It was moments like this one that reminded Prince of how young Andrea truly was.

But the puppeteer would always be in perfect control as long as he kept his strings from tangling.

"I love you...wrapped around me." He grabbed her chin, holding her firmly by the waist with his free arm. The small Nokia phone in the pocket at the back of his jeans became to vibrate. "It's money b, I'm out..." He muttered as he glanced intently at the illuminated screen. "So you can run along now to your little boyfriend." Prince chuckled, his laughter only intensified at the expression of horror on Andrea's face. She looked like a small trapped animal, who was vulnerable and frightened. His guttural cackles relentlessly echoed in her ear to the point where they began to sound evil. "I will call you when I need you." His voice trailed away as he walked out of the passage, increasing the distance between them. Andrea swiftly swiped away the tears that fell and attempted to compose herself before exiting the narrow space that knew her secrets.

She pulled out her small mirror, knowing her make up would not still be looking as perfect as it did when she had left her house. When Andrea stared at herself in the mirror, her reflection shocked her. She would always see what no one else would. She dabbed away the stains of regret and shame, until there was no longer a trace of her tears. The smile she forged was almost believable. Almost.

She could deceive everyone else but not herself.

To the naked eye, you could see a beautiful face, full of character, life and feistiness. But Andrea could see deeper, she stared into her own eyes and felt her heart sink. She could see her broken smile, she couldn't miss the sadness in her eyes or the massive hole that was eroding away at her core. Deep down Andrea wondered if she could ever be happy again... When would she be able to stop pretending and actually be happy? When would she muster the courage to forgive herself? When would she get over what she had done?

Andrea was exhausted. 

She had buried her pain and sorrow deep within her but it was killing her. She thought she was living the perfect life, but she wasn't happy, she was empty and void of hope. She hated herself for her decisions and she didn't even know it. She was hurting those around her, because she was hurting. How could she love another when she didn't even love herself? The hate she felt within herself manifested through her actions towards others. She was tearing herself down shred by shred.

Andrea touched her lips, recollecting the feeling of Prince's mouth on her own. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, imagining the sight of a small child who was mixture of the two of them. Her eyes flashed open as she realised how she was mentally torturing herself. She knew that she had an unhealthy attachment to Prince even though she owed him nothing; it didn't feel that way. After making the life-changing decision to terminate her pregnancy, choosing to still be involved with him was doing her more hurt than healing. That was it. She was still healing but convincing herself that she was over it.