Janet
I closed my computer after pressing send on my email and sat back against the headboard. Toni was gone to handle some business while her sisters came and got the boys for an aunties-nephews day not that long ago. They've been doing those a lot more as I get closer to my due date.
It was the end of July and I was sick of bedrest. I had been here for over a month and I still had one more to go. It was killing me. I'm not used to being idle.
However, I did manage to get a lot of work done.
I had been talking with Jimmy and Terry this whole time to get ready for this next album. I was very excited about it and I couldn't wait to tell Toni all about it. She's going to be so excited when I tell her what I have planned. I wish I could do something for her, she's been so good to me this whole time.
Although I didn't really like this whole bedrest thing, it's given me plenty of time to think. The main thing I've been thinking about is my daughters. I was going to be a mommy to two little precious girls. It scared me a little too. Knowing that they are going to rely on me for knowledge into the female world and how to navigate it. I'm going to be one of the main people that determine how they see the world. It was anxiety inducing.
I took a deep breath and thought about the good things. These girls are going to be protected like no other. They're going to have four big brothers who love them beyond measure and Toni will do anything to protect them. Then there's me, I'm going to make sure that my babies have the best possible things I can get them. "Hey, baby." Toni walked into the room. I instantly perked up.
"Hey."
"Look what I brought you." She held up a food bag and a drink. Oh my good, do you get me a bacon cheeseburger?"
"With grilled onions and a side of jalapeño poppers, and a strawberry shake." I clapped.
"Yay. Gimme." She handed me the bag and when I opened it, the aroma hit me and it smelled amazing. I ate a few fries. "Mmmmm."
"So what have you been up to?" She took her shoes and clothes off, leaving her in her sports bra and boxers.
"Just sitting here, getting some work done."
"Nice." She sat next to me. I took a bite from my burger. "What all did you do?"
"Oh, nothing much. I sent some emails out and talked with Jimmy and Terry about the new album I'm thinking of."
"Wow, you've been taking a lot more time with this one than the last one."
"I know."
"Why?" I figured this was the perfect time to tell her. I put my sandwich down and looked at her.
"Okay, I have something to tell you." She looked at me.
"So, the reason I've been working so hard for the past couple weeks is because....." I took a deep breath. ".....I've resigned from the university." She sat up in shock.
"What?"
"Yeah. This time in bed rest has given me an opportunity to think.
"Really?"
"Yeah. I sat here and ran through my day in my head. Do you know how little time I have with the boys? I'm always dropping them off or picking them up. I take them to school or to our mothers then I pick them up, bring them home and work some more. I started realizing that a lot of the times they came up with reasons to see me. Like the monsters in the closet.
Suddenly, when I'm home more, there aren't anymore monsters. The boys were fighting because they were mad at me but couldn't express it. My boys were missing me but couldn't tell me because I was never available. I can't have that."
