🌅 TMF Dump Book 🌌 (Lander)

12. | I Can Only Dream

Theme: Angst, kind of fluff??

I stared at the picture of him. The beautifully handsome tall, sun-kissed tanned boy with golden sunset eyes smiling back at me. I sighed as I watched my tears fall on the picture, staining it. I hated this. I hated it so much. There's so way he could love me back. There's no way he could ever love someone like me. Ever. I'm such a horrible person and I hate it. I hate everything. I just want to fall asleep forever. Forgetting all of my problems.

I sighed. That was a bit much, huh? I continued staring at him, then I glanced up at my computer screen. The words, "Am I Gay?" with a little rainbow read upon it. I'm so pathetic. Having to confide in the internet to tell me if I like boys or not. I hate this. I never asked to be this way, but recently I've been feeling so sick around Luke. Butterflies flying around every corner of my stomach whenever he looked at me or put a hand on my shoulder.

I harshly shut my laptop closed, throwing it across my bed, away from me. I flopped against my bed, tears spilling onto my pillow. I quietly sobbed, shutting my eyes. I can't let anyone know. Especially him. He would think I'm so weird...for falling in love with him and not some random, stupid girl. Why did I have to be like this? Why couldn't it have been the annoying neighbor kid? Maybe I can force myself to like that one girl with the long silver locks and blue eyes? Ugh...I guess it doesn't work like that.

Maybe if I convince myself- no, that won't work. Maybe I can just try and like someone else...even if they're a boy. It just can't be him. My best friend. I sighed again, staring at the wall. What was I going to tell my mom? Just the thought of it made my heart pound. I can't lose her too. I'm so scared. I hate this. I wish the world wasn't like this. I wish I could just love someone without having to feel like this. I guess I can only dream.

Hey guys, sorry this was short lol. I'm currently working on a big project! I recommend reading my announcement if you haven't already. Basically, I'm making a new TMF AU book! This one will be my biggest challenge yet, but I know I can do it, I'm going to try and get it done before I go on vacation in a few weeks. Since I'm on break, I literally am doing nothing all day so I figured I would actually put my time into something good lol. I hope you guys are as excited as I am! Stay tuned I will have the book out sometime next week probably with a few already written chapters. 💙

Also, I tried to give Zander some real life struggles in this oneshot, even though it's short, I tried to convey the amount of distress that is put on him. Anyway hope you liked it ✨