you remind me of someone
i saw you in a dream
i wrote you in a story
i found you in my deepest list of wants and needs
i found your brokenness
beautiful
it made me feel less broken
and more seen
i do wonder if i did the same
when you were talking to me
that you would pour yourself dry
and i would
keep asking for more and more information
time and time
i don't mean to be so inquisitive
perhaps i
am more infatuated with the thoughts that occur in your mind
than mine
you were the scientist
and i was the beta test
for a beautiful love that could never be
but still you swirled my feelings
and toyed with my heart
you poked and prodded at my venerable parts
you liked me broken
and at the time
i thought it meant i was your art
that you would put me back together with bandaids and tape
that you had no problem with hearing all of my silly impulse mistakes
that you liked the way my mind would run
and that you enjoyed to chase
you couldn't control me
or pin me down
maybe that scared you
that i was not practical enough
just honestly, too much
that you would see a whole universe in me
and then next
be sitting in the dark
with stones covering your hardened llheart
to me this was simple
to me i would gladly pick them apart
i would go searching for the love you gave and then suddenly snatched away
like a child in the dark
looking for someone that is just out of reach
or suddenly going invisible to everyone
i was beta test 11-01.
guess you really felt like everything to me at some point
i know it might sound pathetic
that i'm still here
crying the same cries
and wiping the same tears
after so many years of heartache
you would think i could learn from my mistake
this time i'm not sure why
i think we just might actually be the bad guys
you and me both
so every time i drink vodka i cheers to you and me both
i miss the way your hands felt in mine
i miss the way you would look into my soul
by way of my eyes
you always seemed so sure
you made me feel alright
when my whole world was falling apart
when the world was ending
you stayed
to watch the debris
you stayed to hear the demise
you stayed for some reason
and i still don't understand why
just know that i tried
just know that every day since novemeber i have been trying to understand why
i just don't get it but maybe it's not for me to get
i'm so anxious today
i just wish and wish
i laugh because i'm such a disney kid
i just want my prince
guess he's gone
there's a loneliness in this
i wish i could show you the feelings i hide away
i wish i could say your name
and see your face
i wish the world was ending sometimes
just so you could come and stay again
in my bunker of forbidden kisses
these are words that i know you may never read
but still i beg
still i plead with God
that my strong feelings will not be wasted
that i can co-exist with this midnight of a man
who makes me feel like nobody else can
who has me swooned
who has me hooked
who has me stuck
who has me feeling lucky that i got to meet them at all
who doesn't call
he stopped calling
i think eventually they all do
i dunno
i miss you though
i thought together you and i
we would have found the answer to all of our endless questions
but i am empty as a black hole
colder than outer space
and sadder than i've ever been
