i have hiccups
i often don't keep up
well
time blind
my mind
is hell
i try to remember
and often forgot
all the things you told me so
and told me not
i tend to lose it all
i am exhausted from the fall
of all
my loose ends
i don't keep up well
i tend
to need someone to
keep me together
like needles and tweed
it's exhausting
i know
loving me must be so
i know loving me must be so
they leave
before i let them go
and i'm left with my loose ends
and my tweed
and my thread
i want to use the needle
but it's lost somewhere in my head
i lost it when i lost you
and ever since then
i've never been able to truly feel time pass
i've never been able to bask in a moment fully
i watch them come and go
like i rented paper view on my parents tv again
watching life through a glazed lens
it feels lonely because it is
i used to watch life with him instead
and he made me feel more alive
and less dead
and things i would dread
would feel
exciting
would feel
i could at least feel them
but i lost the needle
i lost the thread
this isn't about knitting
or hiccups
or being irresponsible
it's about how i loved you
and how i still do
and time somehow exists
without you
well, that just isn't fair
because i do
love you
though i have loved after you
it will never feel sacred like you
i told you this before you left me
i promised you
that love would never be love without you
believe me i
believe me you
i will never know love
if that love if not be with you
i used improper englishman talk
because i love you so much it dates back centuries
i remember
how you looked at me
now it's time for me to hang the moon without you
i will find you there
i promise i will find you there
just have to wait for the hiccups to go away as all
until then time goes on
but my heart will stall
until the moment you come back
until the moment he calls
i will find you in the music we loved so much
and smile
and imagine loving you forever
every once and while
it may be something i will just do
sorry z
unfortunately this poem is still for you
